Is Worry In Your Way?

anxious_scared_figure_400_clr_8434I realized last Saturday that I was letting all my worry about many different things get in the way of my enjoying life and actually making me miserable. What a cruddy way to be living day to day.

What was I worried about? It’s all around my upcoming race in July – the one across the state of Tennessee. I was worried about my gear – which pack should I use? How can I make it lighter? What shoes should I wear? Was I going to get blisters? What if my feet swelled so much so that the shoes no longer worked? What if I couldn’t handle the heat and sun? What if this, what if that? You name it, I could worry about it.

I was doing two long runs every weekend – it had gotten so that I was looking forward to going to work on Monday – can’t say as I ever thought that way before.

I finally had a realization. Why the heck was I worrying so much? Here I am telling people that the whole purpose of life is to experience joy and that we can and should experience it NOW, NOT when whatever it is we’re after manifests itself. And I was doing just what I was preaching against. What a hypocrite.

Despite not wanting to be a hypocrite, I also didn’t like not enjoying where I was right then and there – or more accurately – here and now. I have been looking forward to this run for a year now and here I was making myself miserable as the time drew nearer. I was creating all the bad things that could possibly happen just by worrying. And what good was worrying going to do anyway? Preparation is not the same as worrying.

I knew what I had to do. I knew that I had been down for the count for 9 weeks and although that bothered me and I was concerned that it put me behind the eight ball, training wise, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it at this point. So why keep dwelling on it (aka “worrying”). Did that improve my endurance? Of course not. All I could do was do what I was able to do right now.

What good was worrying about how hot it might be, or how heavy my pack was? Ok, thinking about these two things led me to be able to prepare – I trained in the heat of the day to try to get acclimatized. I wore my pack with all the gear and water I would be carrying for 10 days. That’s preparation. There was no need to worry because there was not a darn thing else I could do and worrying would not make it cooler in Tennessee nor would it help me acclimatize to anything other than more worry.  I think we’re all pretty acclimatized to that – we do it without even knowing that we’re doing it.

So, all worry could do would be to make me miserable and not enjoy my time leading up to the race. And it put me in a negative vibrational state and great things do NOT come when you’re in such a state. I was likely to attract things I didn’t want.

I simply decided to think about the variables and plan appropriately and then enjoy what I was doing. When a problem arose or something that I needed to deal with, I expressed gratitude and appreciation that it had come up prior to the run so that I really could deal with it. That is preparation. There was nothing negative in it at all. I went about enjoying the two days I had left with long runs. Instead of wishing I was home doing something else, I concentrated on the event and how great it was going to be to participate and meet other folks – both runners and those along the way.

I stopped worrying about “what if I don’t finish?” knowing that I would do the best I could and whatever happened, happened. I would only quit if things were really bad for me (injury that would prevent continuing). I was in this to find out what I was made of and that was what would happen. I was not going to lose my job or my pride if I didn’t finish. All of the other people in my normal life wouldn’t even consider trying it. There was no “face” to lose. Just do the best you can, Terrie. And that’s what will happen. I visualize the outcome and that’s what’s important.

If worry is in your way, take a different look at it.  Worry is also a form of fear so look at your fears and find out if you’re really “worried” (socially acceptable) or “afraid” (not so much acceptable).  Are your fears realistic? If so, are they something that would keep you from accomplishing your goal? If so, then reconsider the goal. If not, then acknowledge them and put them aside.

  • Remember why you’re doing what it is you’re doing.
  • Feel the joy that the achievement of this goal will bring.
  • Plan and prepare. Look at any event/thought/obstacle that comes up as part of your preparation. Don’t focus on it, work on it.
  • Enjoy what you are doing right now.

Terrie

Are You Afraid of Growing Old?

afraid of growing old 2If you said “no” when you read the subject line of this post, you should ask yourself if you were being honest. The majority of people are actually afraid of getting old. And as usual, the media does absolutely nothing to change that. They make it worse. Think of the ads you see of people falling and needing to push a button to get help or the ads about medicare supplement programs (this hit me this past year – it seemed like every 5 minutes they were talking about what you don’t get with Medicare – which is actually true but I didn’t need to have it crammed down my throat every minute of every waking day).

There are so many other media discussions of age and mostly in pictures so that even if you turned the sound down, you would still have the visuals there bothering you and being embedded in your subconscious. Then there are the “news” reports of age discrimination, special organizations for “old” people, special diseases “old” people get, etc.

The best way to avoid that is to stop watching TV – which we recommend for many other reasons too. However, you will still be exposed to these themes. So what do you do?

First you can use my favorite two sayings:

1) That is not my truth.

2) Nothing and no one can interfere with my prosperity, well-being and peace of mind, not even myself.

Every time you start to think about getting old and the “bad” things that seem to go along with it, use one of these phrases, if for no other reason than to get your mind off that thought. Say one of the phrases (or even both) over and over again until you’ve become calm and relaxed and can think about something else.

Remember that we create our own realities and if we see ourselves as characters in those ads, then that is what we will become.

Try writing down your beliefs about getting old. List them on a piece of paper or in your success (or even gratitude) journal. Then decide which of those beliefs you want to change. Then try EFT (emotional freedom technique) or some other clearing method (denials are also simple to use) to clear the old beliefs. Bottom line is you want to change your momentum and start thinking about the great things that come with age. Use the 68 second process about the cool things that go along with moving along in years – retirement, vacations, traveling etc.

Stop thinking about your age and that of others. Don’t even make jokes about “at my age” (I find myself doing that and know I want to stop it – I don’t want to be training my brain that way).

See if you can figure out what expectations you’ve had installed in your subconscious about getting older – you can’t do this, you can’t do that, you’ll be lonely, you’ll forget things, you’ll have age discrimination issues, etc. What have you been brought up to believe about getting older? Then refute them. Do you want to continue to believe those things? Heck no.

Start thinking about how great you are, how good your memory is and how well you do things. Think about how people look up to you and come to you for information and advice. Think about those that love you and depend on you.  Get yourself some good momentum going about your youthful feeling and thoughts.

You are as young as you feel AND think! It’s all about vibrations remember.

Terrie

Name That Fear: 5 Beliefs That Keep You Stuck

fearWhat keeps us stuck? It’s our beliefs and fears (which are based in beliefs).

Consider these 5 fears that often paralyze us:

  1. Fear of Rejection
  2. Fear of Dying (or having a bad illness)
  3. Fear of Disappointment
  4. Fear of Being Poor (losing your money or not having enough)
  5. Fear of Being Alone

 

Fear of Rejection:

If someone is afraid that they will not be accepted by others, then they spend their life trying to figure out if what they say, wear, or do will make another person (or worse yet, personS) think good or bad of them, then they can essentially be paralyzed from doing anything. This is because it’s inevitable that whatever one person will approve of is something that another person will NOT approve of. So, what do you do? Nothing. I spent a good portion of my life altering my life and thoughts dependent on whom I was around. And when I finally realized it, I couldn’t even imagine how I operated for all that time. It was like being a yo-yo and bouncing all around. How stressful was that? Unbelievably stressful.

You have to follow your heart and do things for your own reasons, not because of others. If you’re not sure how others will react, don’t tell them.

Fear of Dying (or contracting a bad illness):

This is another fear that can paralyze someone from taking any type of action at all. Usually, the person will be so engulfed with fear that they spend all their time thinking about their death and how it’s going to happen and then they fear certain activities, knowing for sure that that one activity will bring about their death. Or they sit and think that they should do something before they die but because they are so afraid, they don’t do anything.  If if’s fear of contracting an illness, they use most of their energy examining their bodies and every sneeze or cough or other bodily function. With the advent of the internet and search engines, this has become worse. You can even find that hiccups are a symptom of cancer (which it may be in rare situations – emphasis on the word ‘rare’).

Fear of Disappointment:

This can be a fear of being disappointed or of disappointing others.

In the first instance, people don’t get intimate or even develop close friendships because they fear that they will be disappointed. Or they misinterpret another person’s actions as being something against them intentionally when it may not be that at all. This leads to sadness and unhappiness and behavior that leads to problems in that relationship (whether it’s a close one or just a working relationship). And then the person who has been disappointed, is stressed and experiencing emotions that bring them down and prevent them from pursuing their desires.

If someone has a fear of disappointing others, this is paralyzing for the same reasons as above. They don’t do anything for fear it will disappoint someone! They over analyze and then try to mind read what the other person wants them to do. Then if the other person doesn’t respond in a positive, happy way, the sense that there’s been disappointment ensues. And of course, that person is too afraid to ask what’s going on and if they have disappointed. Worse yet, based on the second person’s reaction, someone might change their behavior hoping that the new behavior will make the other happy. Another yo-yo situation. So, you either bounce around or you do nothing. Is that any way to live your life?

Fear of Being Poor:

This is related in many ways to fear of growing old and fear of dying. Many people are afraid of what’s going to happen when they get older or when they stop work because they don’t think they will have enough money to survive – or to survive in the manner to which they are accustomed.

The TV Ads make this worse because they are forever putting on advertisements telling you about how Joe is very afraid that he won’t have enough money in retirement but “OUR BANK/PLAN” will help you prevent poverty, etc.  This is one reason I don’t watch much TV. The Ads we are exposed to are horrible fear generators. That’s what they teach you in copywriting too – capitalize on the fears that people have.  And if you didn’t have them before you saw the Ads, you will afterwards.

This fear leads either to not spending anything and leading to deprivation (which like with diets, doesn’t last long) or to overspending, thinking “what the heck, if I’m going to be poor, I might as well enjoy it now.”

Remember, though, that the Law of Attraction brings to you what you are concentrating on. So, if you are paying attention to and being afraid of poverty, then that is what you will attract.

Fear of Being Alone:

This is often a consequence of the other fears and leads to further problems because if you are afraid of rejection or afraid of disappointing/being disappointed then you’re liable to stay away from people – the result – you will be alone.  Also, with the Law of Attraction – if you think about being alone, that’s what you’ll get.

What To Do?

You do not have to succumb to these fears, however. The first step is being aware that you have fears and then recognizing which ones you have.

Then, you have to clear the land, rid yourself of these fears and stop the momentum.

Try to recognize early that you’re thinking something that is about one of these fears and then try to change the momentum early in the process. Find something you can use to break momentum any time you go start to go down a road that is leading to something you don’t want (for me, it’s a running experience – either in the past or an upcoming one). Go there! Start thinking about that and feeling the way you did (or will) when you were experiencing that event. That should take your momentum in a different direction. You have to keep repeating this process but it will overcome the fears!

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Terrie

 

 

 

Go Ahead – Take That Step

Urban Runner What’s holding you back? When you think about taking some action, what are the very first thoughts that come into your mind?

Are they fear-based thoughts and emotions? Do you feel as if there’s a glass door in front of you but when you look at it you can’t see clearly through it and what you do see is very scary? Is it grimy and blurry? Is there a big green monster looking back at you? Does your heartbeat go up when you look at the door? Do you automatically back away without even thinking any more about going through that door?

How often during the day (and even the night) do you think about that door and what’s beyond it? You know that if you could get out there, you could get what you want and be oh, so happy. But something is holding you back…..

You haven’t even tried the door before you backed away. You don’t even know if it’s locked or not of if with the slightest pressure it will open and reveal the greatness of what is out there for you. There’s no blur or grime – nothing to stand in your way once the door is opened.

FEAR is an overpowering and overwhelming emotion that holds us back from achieving and obtaining so much of what we desire and iStock_000011322531XSmalldeserve. It’s the fear that is loading those obstacles in front of us. When we look through our FEAR-filled eyes, our vision is extremely blurred and everything does look monstrous and forboding.

What’s the answer? You just have to decide to first, try the door and see if it’s locked or not. If it’s not locked, then your journey will be so much easier. If it is locked, then you have a few more things to conquer. But right now you don’t even know whether it’s locked or not. Once you’ve decided to see if it’s locked or not, then you simply tell yourself to open the door and focus all your energy and will on putting that foot out past the door jam.

You will be amazed at what will happen. I imagine if it’s like most situations, you’ll be kicking yourself because it turned out just fine. All that you feared didn’t happen. In fact, after you’ve actually gotten out the door, you’ll soon forget what it was you were worried about. You will be totally amazed and will be wondering why the heck you didn’t try this before.

You’d think that would help you the next time but it’s no surprise that the next set of FEAR based thoughts will keep you from venturing through the other door.

Let me give you an example since you’re probably thinking “yes, this is so easy to say but not easy to do.” Believe me I know it’s not easy. I just want to help you make it easier as each situation presents itself.

As most of you know, I finished my 2nd 100 mile event about 3 weeks ago. What I don’t think I mentioned was that at mile 90 my right foot was in agonizing pain. Every step for the next 3 1/2 hours was filled with nauseating pain (the pain that is associated with “bone” pain – which to me was indicative of a stress fracture of one of the long bones in the foot). But despite wanting to cry for a good part of that time and feeling so alone and abandoned, I finished. But I was worried.

Fortunately I had an appointment on Monday with my AIRROSTI provider and felt she could help me figure out what was going on. She agreed that she thought it was a stress fracture. Of course I wanted to know if it was as soon as possible. To make a long story short, I was finally able to get an MRI and it did NOT show a stress fracture. There were some abnormalities visible but nothing to explain the type and location of my pain. Although it was sort of a relief that it wasn’t a fracture, it created more consternation because my foot still hurt and no one knew what was wrong. If it had been a stress fracture I would have known that it would be 4 weeks minimum without running but then I could start running again. Without a diagnosis it was hit or miss as to when I could run again. I was told that after 3 weeks I could try to run again..that put the ball back in my own court. I had to open that door!

So much of FEAR is based on the UNKNOWN. I guess it’s why so many are afraid of the dark and why things always seem worse at night or when the lights go out. When you can’t “see” very far in front of you, your old programming takes over and your imagination goes wild. Your heart rate speeds up, your breathing rate increases, and your anxiety level maxes out. It’s a very similar reaction to our “Fight or Flight” survival physiology. We FEAR the UNKNOWN and want to run away from it rather than standing tall and facing it. In some instances that may still be appropriate but our intellect tells us that we should assess our situation before we decide the response. Or we could even say “ok, I don’t mind initially responding with flight, but when I’ve gotten a bit away, I’ll stop and reassess everything and see if further flight is warranted or if this is something I can handle”. I did the right thing because I shut my body down from running to allow whatever it was to heal. But I didn’t know how long that was going to be. The UNKNOWN consisted of not knowing whether it was going to be healed enough that it wouldn’t hurt; of not knowing if it would hurt or not; of not knowing how far I could get.

The other component of FEAR is “What if”. We are so good at creating imaginary scenarios in our mind and living them and reliving them virtually. And for some reason we always seem to go to the negative scenarios, not the positive ones. What would happen if I went out and ran on it and it hurt? What if it never gets better? What if that means I have to stop running? What if this means I can’t do the New York City Marathon this year? What if, what if, what if?

So, after we stop our flight or flight reaction and reassess what the UNKNOWN really is, then it’s time to play the “What if UP” game. This is an Abraham-Hicks process and is meant to get you to not only look at the other possibilities but also to raise your vibrations. In my case it would go like this “What if my foot doesn’t hurt? What if I can run really well and far without pain? What if I’ve given it enough time to heal? What if I feel really good when I’m out there again? What if everything is fine? What if I was worrying for nothing? And I wasted all that energy on worrying when I could have been doing something positive? That’s key – what if I was worrying for nothing? How many times have you worried about an upcoming event and then when it came along it turned out to be a great thing and one you actually enjoyed and were so glad you experienced. Do we think, then, about the worry? Probably not. But if we used it to learn a lesson about worry, that would be great!

What happened with me? I went out and ran today and was able to do 2 miles (that’s all I intended so as not to push it) without ANY pain. And almost felt normal again. Of course, all my attention was focused on my foot and “oh what was that I just felt?” But no matter how hard I tried (LOL) to make it hurt it didn’t. Now I’m prepped to go out tomorrow and run further and see what happens.

Try the “What if UP” game and see if you can raise your vibration (I guarantee this will do it) and then you’ll be able to move back to the door and reach for the handle….and then actually turn the handle and find out that it’s beautiful outside.

Terrie

 

 

 

Your Dreams and Where on the Emotional Scale You Are..

 Part of planning to achieve your dreams is to specify what, exactly, they are. We talked about that in our last post.

And we also mentioned that you had to know where you are NOW in order to figure out how to get where you want to go, right?

Today’s Abraham quote aligns with that perfectly:

In your moving yourself up the Emotional Scale, your business will begin to prosper in new and profound ways! Your business, your relationships, your finances cannot grow beyond your emotional response – nothing can grow beyond your emotional response. Everything matches your Set-point of emotions on every subject that exists.

— Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Tampa, FL on Saturday, December 6th, 2003 # 628

That last sentence is so important – “Everything matches your Set-point of emotions on every subject that exists.”

When setting goals (which unfortunately we don’t always connect to our dreams and that’s why they often are not achieved but that’s for another day), we often tend to be so objective about it and look only at the facts. But it’s really what’s invisible and inside of us that’s key – our emotional set-point, our feelings about these goals. You can “wish” for something all you  want but if when you “stop” wishing for a few minutes and realize that you have to “wish” because you do NOT HAVE whatever it is you’re “wishing” for, then you’re attracting more of that lack – more absence. And you know what? Often times that’s because that’s where we’re comfortable. Comfortable is a damaging word for sure – it keeps us from growing beyond where we are right now.

Take some time to look at how you FEEL about where you are and how you FEEL about where you want to go. If there is a sensation of discord, then look more closely at the specific emotions behind that discord. Is it fear? If so, fear of what? When we examine our fears we find out so much about where we are and what is keeping us there. Also, when we begin to examine the fears and get specific about them then we can see that whatever is behind them is not really so frightening at all. When you get specific, you can evaluate where you are and what you want to do about that one particular specific thing.

So your action step today is to determine where you are emotionally in regard to your dreams. If it’s “that was a great dream I had but there’s no way I could ever achieve that because I’m too old” or something like that – stop and examine all the parts to that one sentence and see if it’s really true.

Write all these things down too. It’s important to connect the hand and mind to help you analyze and feel them better. Keeping a record will also help you later when you want to change these feelings and emotions or when you want to measure your progress!

Terrie