Rest In Peace, My Friend

Memories Will Have to Fill the Void Now

in memory of rebeccaMy very best friend has moved on to a better existence and given that she is in a much better place and free of all the suffering, I am grateful.  I only pray that I gave to her as much as she gave to me during her life. We should ask ourselves that question every night - "What did I give to others today?" This should be followed by "Was it enough? What can I do better tomorrow?" I am going to put these quotes up all around my house and make sure I ask myself every night.

Why do we wait to write tributes to people until after they are gone? We should write tributes to the ones we love or know whenever we think about it.

My friend was phenomenal. She endured two years of treatment for her cancer and never missed a day of work or a day as a pastor. Right up until the end, she was caring for others and thinking only of the people she served every day. I wish I were that devoted to others as she was. It's still so hard to believe that she's gone (it's been a few hours) and that I'll never hear her voice again.

Memories are good but they are also painful. Almost everything I hear, everywhere I look, and everything I think about reminds me of her and the times we shared. Even though we were 1500 miles apart, we talked all the time and shared everything. She was always there. Now there is just empty space and a pang in my heart.

She is with her family and other friends while many of her friends remain here on earth mourning her passing. I don't want to have to mourn her. I want to embrace her greatness and if I could, I would shout it from the rooftops. I have been so blessed to have her in my life.

I have to also praise another amazing woman - her business partner. This woman has been by her side every step of the way and has pent hours in the hospital with her. She has had courage and strength that I've never seen before. She has remained calm and has always been there for my friend and for me too - communicating with me all the time about what was happening. As a friend and business partner her loss is double ours. My heart goes out to her.

Rest in peace, my friend. You are missed so much already. Thank you for being in my life.


R.I.P Pat Summitt – Success at it’s Best

What Can We Learn From Her Life?

pat summitt-cows dont take a day offOne of the best has passed from her prison here on earth. Pat Summitt was the winningest coach in college basketball (men and women alike). She took her teams to championships every year even if they didn't reach the championship game officially. The championships she created for her students started at the beginning of a Lady Vol's first season and never ended.

As the quote says, cows don't take a day off so work every day. She instilled that in her students and once they learned that, success was a given. She was a hard master on the court but someone that everyone loved off the court. For her to repeat success year after year the way she did is remarkable.

I offer this to everyone who is reading this. Find out more about her and her upbringing (as well as all the hardship she endured during her outstanding career and how she handled that) and see how you can apply it to yousrelf and your life. I will be writing more about her in the coming weeks because I think we can learn so much from her and how she handled things.

I do know that you HAVE to look for the bright spots and the positives in every situation that may not be turning out the way you want. Believe me I know that and am trying every day to find good things in my life right now.

I'm glad to be back.


Momentum Monday

Define What You Want and Then Get The Feeling

momentum-monday1"There are no happier people on this planet than those who decide that they want something, define what they want, get hold of the feeling of it even before it's manifestation and then joyously watch the unfolding as, piece by piece by piece, it begins to unfold. That's the feeling of your hands in the clay."


Excerpted from: San Francisco, CA on August 18, 2001

This is something I'm trying to do now. I am visualizing my nerve and it's origin being bathed in golden, healing light and energy. Then I visualize this particular race I want to do in September (since I can't do the one in July). I see myself running happily around the loop and almost jumping up and down because I'm able to do anything with complete health. That feels so good and I'm then working to embody this feeling. It's the feeling that really matters. I have to feel as if I'm there and doing all this.

How can this work in your life?



Where Have I Been?

Missing In Action

I've been missing in action for 4 1/2 months and I apologize. As many of you know, I had Shingles (Herpes Zoster virus) in February. But unlike most people, when the Shingles were gone, things did NOT return to normal. I was afflicted with the dreaded Postherpetic Neuralgia.

"Postherpetic neuralgia is a debilitating complication of Herpes Zoster...It is not uncommon for the pain of PHN to interfere with sleep and recreational activities and to be associated with clinical depression."

This has been a very difficult time for me. I have had a lot of medical issues in the past year but I always knew they would resolve. The problem with this one is the chronic pain and the fact that there's no real effective treatment nor can anyone say how long it will last - "it lasts six months to years" is what I've been told. If I knew it was going to be six months, I could make it through better. Thinking this might go on for years is a devastating thought. I've had multiple treatments and the only one that seems to be helping is Gabapentin and I'm having to take very high doses (with attendant side effects) to even begin to help.

People don't understand the degree of pain. There's no blood pouring out or broken bones and they just don't know why I haven't gotten over it. That's very hard to accept. That people think I'm a wimp. Maybe I am but.....

So, my days have consisted of simply getting up, going to work, trying to make it through work and coming home and crashing. I have not posted here because I haven't been able to concentrate on anything other than trying to mitigate the pain. I also feel that I should be able to conquer this since I believe so strongly in the power of the  mind. I know my body and my emotions are trying to tell me something. I just have not been able to figure out what that is. And I do not want to be a hypocrite and post here until I can better practice what I preach.

I have started a blog called Living With PostHerpetic Neuralgia which is where I am chronicling this journey. I am trying not to make it whiny.

I will attempt to post here again and get back into some form of routine again.

Thanks for being patient.


Do You Talk To Yourself?

This really is a rhetorical question, of course. Everyone talks to themselves even if they aren't totally aware of it (I think most people are aware though).

The major difference comes in HOW you talk to yourself. This can make or break you. The way in which you talk to yourself shapes your day and how you think about yourself as well as about your surrounding environment (and the people in it).

When we talk about the power of words, most people think of those words that are said out loud. They are very important, of course. But,  more important are those words and phrases we utter to ourselves and especially about ourselves. Often our talk to ourselves occupies the majority of our time - when we're driving, working, at night, running, swimming, doing other workouts, meditating etc. Even when we're supposed to be paying attention to others. Frequently our mind wanders back to thoughts like "how do I look?", "is my hair ok?" "do I have anything horrible stuck in my teeth like you see in those ads?", "why did I bother to come here? I don't fit in? No one likes me?" etc.

Even when you think (or say) something abstract like "that was really stupid", your subconscious thinks you're talking to it and telling it that you are stupid. Have you ever said something like "I can't believe I did that! What an idiot I am?" I know I've thought those things. And I have to work rapidly (assuming I'm attentive enough to notice it) to counter that with "that is not my truth".

What about when we're plagued by worry? What thoughts go through your mind when you engage in the worrisome thoughts? Be careful there - if you don't catch yourself, you'll continue to say the same things over and over again. You know what that leads to - yep - a belief - remember that a belief is just a thought you keep thinking over and over again. You slam it into your subconscious enough times that your brain begins to think it's true.

Try this for a week: Monitor everything you say to yourself. I don't want you to feel you have free will to say anything to others but your job for the next seven days is to really pay attention to those words, phrases, thoughts that swirl around inside your head. Write down the common ones but when you recognize something that is giving you the wrong message, immediately say "That is NOT my truth".

In a week tell me how clear you think your mind is? Is it more clear and happier than today? What changes have happened if any - these may not be external changes (although that is possible too) but there should be some internal changes that you can recognize.

Let us know - put your responses in the comment box below and tell us any changes or even any challenges you're come across. Did you recognize any patterns? Talk about them with your family and friends and share them here!