I am learning so much about love in the past few days. Unconditional love and living up to your standards no matter what other people do or say about you. It's been a very painful and educational experience for the past 6 days. I have learned that people are not always who they appear to be on the surface and that you have to look deep and keep your eyes peeled in order to see the clues. Otherwise they will be very deceptive and manipulative and you'll find that you've been used and you won't even know it. If this weren't a "family" blog we could make another kind of reference that starts with "slam bam....." but you get my drift. I have been blind to all the clues that were right there in front of me and I have allowed myself to be manipulated so much in the past week that it's cost me a thousand dollars. But, I did live up to my standards and as Dan told me yesterday, no one can take that away from me, no matter how hard they try to hurt me or my friends.
I have learned alot about true friendship too and that's the valuable part. I have strengthened some friendships in this time of trial as well. So I must consider myself blessed. You have to show love to people and be supportive.
But you can show love in other ways and should every day. My little girl, Jackie, is almost 15 years old and she's not doing well. She's frail and has very little balance because of her hips or her back and has become increasingly incontinent. She doesn't want to lie down anywhere except on my bed and I don't really know what I'm going to do when she can't get up there any more. Thank God that Steve built her sister a ramp.
But she's still a strong willed dog and has shown me so much character in the last 4 years since her sister died. I did not expect her to live beyond a year but she's pulled through some serious illnesses and is hanging in there. My dilemma, also in the past week, has been to know "when is it time". So I've had to ask the Universe to "show me the way".
And although I haven't seen the answer light up the sky about when it's time to say goodbye, I have seen the answer and that's to spend as much time with her as possible and show her love in whatever way I can every single day. And I think everyone should show love every single day even if it's in a small undetected way. Dan, my trainer, showed me great love yesterday by listening and helping me get my head straight.
I've decided to take Jackie for a short walk once or twice a day. And you have no idea how happy she is. It's like her head does not realize how frail her hind end is. But she's happy to have the leash around her neck and be out there sniffing away. And you know what...if I didn't have the leash on her, she'd start running in her bunny hop way and beat me down the road - at least for awhile.
So, if this makes her happy for at least a few moments, then it's the thing I can do to thank her for all the joy, happiness and companionship she's given me for the 13 years I've had her. She and her sister were pretty set in their ways when I got them at age 2 (like most two year olds) but I have to say that Jackie is THE BEST DOG I've EVER had and I"m so grateful for the opportunity to have shared this time with her.
What love are you going to show today?