Category Archives: Define & Conquer

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Are You Living (Existing) Day To Day?

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living day to day 2Take a moment and think about the direction your life is going.

When you get up in the morning do you have a definite purpose to the day or do you just know that you’ll be doing whatever you do every day in the same pattern etc.

Even if it’s a small goal like feeling better by going to the gym a few days a week or going for a walk every other morning or evening, you’ll have a goal and a purpose.

Start out slowly but come up with some goal or purpose to your existence. Consider volunteering or fund raising. Maybe it would just be to try healthy smoothies a few days a week.  Search deep inside of you to find a reason to get out of bed other than that you “have to”.

Don’t you want to be excited to start the day…and continue through it? I know I do. I really was unhappy when all my life was about was getting up, going to work and coming home exhausted while thinking about having to get up the next morning to go to work too. Ugh big time.

When I have other things to look forward to – when it was just working out with Dan, I felt energized because I was working toward a goal. I started with him to try and get rid of the right upper back pain I had been having when walking and I wanted to do a 3 day walk. But then my goals with him evolved. That will happen to you if you just set a small goal to begin with.

Sit down and think about what you would like to do. What would you like to accomplish? Don’t be intimidated by that word – accomplishment means simply that you’ve done something. It doesn’t mean you’ve done something phenomenal that would rock the world. I think too many of us demean our own “small” achievements. We should never do that any more than we should compare what we do to what others do.  You will be happier if you have some purpose to your daily life.

If, perhaps, your life seems to revolve around your spouse and your children and is very hectic, figure out what you are trying to get done with them. Is it to teach them ethical behavior, to have morals, to set goals themselves and then go about achieving them, to provide them with the best all around education you possibly could? I know there is some reason you bust your butt to take them here, take them there or watch their sporting activities. You don’t just do this because you “have to” even if it feels that way right now. Examine what you really feel toward your family and what you want it to become. Perhaps it’s just to keep your kids from experimenting with drugs. That’s a major goal and definitely one worth accomplishing!

According to Abraham our sole aim is to achieve joy. Joy is defined differently for everyone. If you aim to feel joyous every day, then I think you will come up with a purpose even if it’s just for that day.

Don’t exist day to day – you never know when it will be your last day. Go after something every day.  Change it day to day or create a number of goals – short, midterm and longterm. Look into Define and Conquer (even though it says 2013 and says “group”, the audios are now available for replay) for the best methods of defining and achieving your goals.

What i really care about is that you are living for something other than the end of the day!

Terrie

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What’s YOUR State of the Union?

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US CapitolI have to admit that I do NOT watch, listen to or read any political stuff and avoid discussions of such like the plague. Until they have a good news or just all news program, I will continue to simply scan one or two internet news pages to make sure I know important things happening but that’s it. All the negativity simply pollutes my mind and attitude.

But I did know that last night was the annual State of the Union address by the President of the United States. I also know that it’s a bunch of word and ideas of what the President “would like” to accomplish – remember, though, that there are both houses of the government that have to approve any action so good luck with that.

Two things struck me as useful in this whole event, though. And they both apply to you and my designation that this is the Year of You.

The first is that everyone should create their own State of the Union “address” every year – it should be a summary that includes:

  • Where were you in January last year – and I don’t mean geographically unless that’s important in your life (such as if you had a significant move later in the year). I mean look at last January and see where you were emotionally and spiritually. Were you busy making resolutions or instead, outlining your goals (like we did in our Define and Conquer program which is available online) and your plan of action. Or were you just plodding along ‘same ole, same ole’? Were you feeling excited about the upcoming year or dreading it? Look back at your calendar or journal or diary if you have any of these. Look at your emails to see what you wrote to your friends or even what purchases you made that would impact living your life for the rest of the year. When you do your taxes, use this information to take inventory of the various months.

What happened during the year – what was planned that happened, what happened that you didn’t plan? Write these things down. Did things happen that you weren’t expecting or planning for that turned out great or turned out not so great.  Did something occur that you thought was pretty horrible but when you look back on it now you can see the good things that came from it? That happens to me all the time – especially when I’m willing to look at it as an event, without being held hostage to my emotional ties to that event.

Where are you now – at the end of the year or at the beginning of this year? What’s your emotional state right now? What’s your spiritual state? What’s fulfilling in your life and what’s missing? You can add whatever you want to your own State of YOUR Union address. I encourage you to write it down – you can use bullet points or you can write it all out like a speech writer would. But put it down on paper and keep it.

  • The second thing about the presidential address that struck me as pertinent to all of you was his declaration that this should be the “Year of Action”. He said “”What I offer tonight is a set of concrete, practical proposals to speed up iStock_000016019519Smallgrowth…..”. In order to make this The Year of YOU, you have to take action. You have to plan for action. Stop just dreaming or wishing. Stop staying that it’s not meant to be or that other people are lucky and you’re not. It’s not about luck, it’s about planning and taking action. Your next writing assignment after the State of YOUR Union should be to write down your goals and what you really want to achieve this year. What are you aiming for – and aim high – it shouldn’t just be something like “I want to be happier”. That is too vague for your subconscious to embrace. If you said that doing x, y, z (and they are specific items) would make you happy then that would be ok.   I’ll give you one example of my own that is only partially good. I am focused this year on completing the 315 mile trek across Tennessee in July. I have this dream in my mind almost constantly when I have any idle time at all. Can you figure out what’s wrong with this goal? I’ll give you a hint – it’s one event. It’s over in July and I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to do or want to do after that. That is not good. It’s what happened to me when I graduated from medical school. I had wanted to be a doctor since I was four and all I ever did was directed toward that goal and it took me a long time. But I had not really thought about the after. So the day I graduated my only feeling and thought was “what now?”, “is that all there is?” and that was NOT a good place to be emotionally. That’s why we have to build on our goals and keep them coming. We set and revise the goals as we go on. But the most important thing is to be specific about what you want to do and achieve.

Then you put down your plan of action! In order to achieve these goals you have to take action and you should plan it. What are you going to do when or by when? Write these things down!Then, of course, you have to actually take the action – you have to get rid of the fears that you’re not good enough or you can’t succeed or you don’t deserve this, etc etc. It’s time to get out of the emotional hostage situation! Get yourself a negotiator – a coach.

So, start write now and state the intention to get at least your state of the union address written by this coming Sunday. Then set yourself another goal, perhaps the following Sunday, to have put down where you want to be by December of next year and how you’re going to get there. Take 2 or 3 weeks to outline your plan of action.

If you’re interested in another live Define and Conquer type program this year, let me know either by email or by posting a comment here! Now get to work!

Terrie

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PN (Post Nyad) Day 2 – What Did You Do Differently Yesterday?

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joshbillings130930_m-resizedThis could be “PN” or “PD” (post Nyad or post Diana) – it doesn’t really matter. I just want to continue reminding you that your dreams are yours. As one reader commented though, they don’t all have to be physical. Diana Nyad’s achievement was not so much about endurance swimming as it was about the human spirit and she knows that and has tried to get that message across to all of us with her “three messages” and “Find a Way”.

So look at your day and do something different to get you going in a different direction. “That’s easy” you say – well, it’s not so easy. We are creatures of habit and that’s a safety measure built into our survival mechanism. We have to make a conscious effort to change things up. So pick one small thing to change and then do it. From my own experience I recommend you have alternative “changes” – all of which are small. Why? Because one might not pan out and if you have other options to pick from then you are more likely to actually do something instead of staying in the same rut and then spending the rest of the day or night chastising yourself for not doing it. We create more energy and “action” by criticizing ourselves for failure instead of looking at the situation and “Finding a Way”.

I’ll give you an example from yesterday for me. I decided to change up what I did when I came home. I planned on coming home and going for a run before my coaching call instead of just going to the grocery store to get One Stands Holding Change, Others Crusheddinner, coming home, eating it while reading, doing the call etc.

But as I was driving home, the same old pattern took hold and although I debated with myself with all sorts of “excuses” (it’s too hot, I’ll do it later etc), I ended up going to the grocery store first. So I “failed”, right? Not at all. First, I had thought about the habit/pattern and decided to make a change – that was definitely a different action/reaction than before. I was not operating as an automaton.

Then I “debated” which action I was going to take and why. Sure, most of the “whys” were excuses, not reasons …but – the key here is that I was thinking about it. Then I chose to NOT beat up on myself for not doing that ONE thing I had planned. I immediately looked for a different “change” to make (it would have been better had I come up with that option/alternative in the morning so I had some to fall back on but I didn’t and I learned from it).

So what did I do? I went and got dinner. But instead of eating it reading and watching TV, I ate it while sitting at my computer (instead of the recliner) going through and cleaning out my email. Was this the best course of action. Probably not – people will say I wasn’t “present” for my meal because I was multi-tasking and others will say it was still a waste of time. I disagree. All I know is that I felt good because I had done something different and had consciously thought about it. It was such a tiny little thing that would not be noticed by others. But my subconscious being sure noticed it and in this case it felt good – most likely there was no bad reaction from within because it was such a tiny change. You can’t make major changes right away. You have to work your way up to things.

Today’s action – take a look at your daily life  and routine and see what one tiny thing you can change that has to do with your dream. If you aren’t sure, yet, what your dream is, then just change something. See how it feels. Then keep going. Decide in the a.m. what you’re going to change. Then write in your gratitude journal (also can be called your success journal) about what happened. See how you feel and go from there.

Let us know what happened.

ONWARD – Find A Way!

Terrie