Category Archives: Problems

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Perfectionism?

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PERFECTION2Happiness and perfection definitely are at a crossroads. It’s difficult, if not impossible, for the two to go together.

Most people who are seeking perfection are not happy. They may create artificial happiness by claiming that they only seek what is best for everyone (the perfect answer) but their life revolves around the quest, not the attainment.

If you repeatedly start over or change something because it’s not perfect, it can be for many reasons. If you are interested and think of yourself as a perfectionist, you might want to examine why you seek that perfection. Your superficial answer may differ greatly from the answer you’ll get if you delve deeper inside of you.

Many people use perfectionism as a form of procrastination (not intentionally of course). But if you don’t keep going or even start on something (especially because things are “not ready because they aren’t yet perfect”), then you don’t have to worry about the result because you’ll never get there. And when you don’t have to worry about the result then you don’t have to worry about the criticism or comments or reactions you’ll get when you do finish what you’re working on. It’s easier to not start or not get very far.

This might be considered the same as “distraction”. People use perfectionism to continually be distracted – so they don’t have to be present, they don’t have to pay attention to what’s going on inside them. If they are repeatedly distracted trying to get something “perfect”, then they don’t have “time” to pay attention to what’s inside them or even what’s around them. Are you trying to escape from the present?

Others use perfectionism to keep from finishing. I guess this could be considered a form of procrastination too. But if you don’t finish then you don’t have to deal with success (or failure) and the attendant issues associated with that. Once you succeed, then people have other expectations of you and you then may feel you have to live up to those expectations. That can be frought with issues – especially the imagined ones. Usually the actual issues are never as bad as the ones we anticipate or worry about. But those anticipated ones are very real in our minds if we don’t stay in the present. Never finishing a project because it’s not “perfect” is a great way to not have to deal with those issues, anticipated or real.

These folks want happiness but can’t ever attain it because they are always seeking something better. But who defines what’s “perfect”? Do we even know what “perfect” is? I don’t think so. You may have your idea of what’s “perfect” but I don’t know that there is a universal committee mperfectionism2aking those determinations. You just drive yourself nuts trying to reach that arbitrary level called “it’s now good enough – it’s perfect”.

Are you a perfectionist? Why? When did it start? Was this something you were taught? Do you consider yourself happy? Can you start AND complete projects without having multiple restarts? Can you then move on to another project once that one is done? How do you feel when you’re working on a project? Does this work create anxiety in you? What are your feelings when you’re about to start a new project?

Answer some of these questions and then more importantly ask yourself if you can “just go with it” whatever “it” is. What is “good enough” for you? Can you get to a point where you can just keep going and accept that it will be very good even if it’s not perfect?

Think about your life this week. What has to be perfect, if anything? Are you happy when you deal with those things? Are there only a few areas of your life that you practice perfectionism? Or are there many? If it’s not in all, what is the difference in how you approach different things? How do you feel about those you need to have perfect and how do you feel about those you don’t get obsessed about?

Terrie

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Who Are You To Judge?

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king_give_thumbs_down_400_clr_17099Do you like it when people judge you? And tell you what they think about how you look or act? I would bet not. I don’t like it. I worry about what people “think” – it can be about anything but I am concerned about being judged. I am sure that this is a result of being criticized so much when I was a child (probably as most people have endured – almost a right of passage). I grew up in a very critical geographical location and in addition to all the competition, there was an abundance of criticism if you didn’t “fit in”. And I can guarantee you that I didn’t fit in much.

I am grateful for one of my military assignments because it forced me to become an instructor and taught me how to stand in front of people (and people who didn’t want to be there) and teach them. This has served me ever since and helped me endure what I just “knew” was judgment no matter what I did. But that still didn’t keep me from thinking about it all the time.

As you know from all our teachings, all that thinking about it simply brought more judgment into my life (the Law of Attraction works so well).

All this has taught me that making judgments of others is a very bad idea. Because just as focusing on judgment of me brings me more judgment, so does me judging in others. Plus, what purpose does it serve. I think that people stand in judgment of others in order to make themselves feel good.  I know I’ve been guilty of that before even though it pains me to admit it. When we are insecure and feeling less than positive, it’s “natural” to look outside ourselves in order to find something to feel good about. So, if you can find something that isn’t as you think it should be, then it will help you “feel better” by making that statement (either out loud or to yourself).

But,  we should be able to find other ways to feel good without putting other people down. We have to break ourselves of these habits. That’s not easy but once again it’s all about awareness. Once you realize that you’re making some judgment, immediately stop yourself. Then ask “what if I were that person? How would I feel knowing that someone were saying or thinking such things about me?” Of course, this is an extension of the Golden Rule but that’s always been good practice for people to follow. Simply say “I love you” when you catch yourself being judgmental. That’s pretty simple and doesn’t require any special techniques and certainly doesn’t require any extra effort on your part.

While you’re at it, though, ask yourself “who the heck am I to judge anyone? What ares of my life are less than ideal and could be criticized by others?” Once you start to ask that, you should become very humble unless, of course, you are perfect – and if you are, please let us all know.

It may help you to use the word “criticize” instead of “judge” because, to me, they are the same thing. Why would you make any judgment unless you’re criticizing something. Sure, you can judge something as “good” but that’s not usually what we mean when we say that word – “judge”. Criticism is very harsh so if you substitute this for judgment it might help you decrease your use of it.

Are you willing to try it? See if you can refrain from judgment/criticism for a designated period of time? Remember the post about trying something new for 30 days? Is this going to be it for the next 30 days?

Terrie

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Stop Looking Outside Yourself – The YOUniverse Holds The Answers

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youniverse

The Universe does not know whether the vibration that you’re offering is because of something you’re observing or something you’re remembering or something that you are imagining. It just receives the vibration and answers it with things that match it.

—Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop: Napa, CA on February 27, 1997

Most people think that to in order to have happiness, you have to be wealthy. But that’s not true.  Upon realizing they need to create their own happiness, many people just run out and start blowing lots of money because they think that’s how you get happy. But, unless they grasp this critical information their troubles are only just beginning.

If you rely on external circumstances or people for your happiness, then you have no control at all. Is this what you want? I don’t think so. After all, we all know that we cannot change other people. The best and fastest way to “change others” is to change yourself. In order to do that you have to go inside yourself and find the answers. The answers are there for sure. You can control what goes on in your mind and what you absorb and believe. As we talked about last week, you can change your environment and what you are exposed to and in so doing, you can also change how you think about things. You can question those beliefs that you were taught (remember that a belief is just a thought you keep thinking over and over). In questioning them you can determine if you wish to continue to believe them. You are old enough and smart enough to research the thoughts and beliefs and determine if they are just something you were taught by well-meaning (usually well-meaning) people and not necessarily what you still choose to believe.

The point is that you can change how you view a situation. You can continue to be upset by an event or look_closely_custom_text_13117you can choose to make the most of it. I have a close friend who has a serious condition and yet has chosen to deal with each and every curveball thrown in her direction. She is a model for others in how she approaches her problem. She simply marches on. Others might wallow in “oh no, now what” or “how could this happen to me” or think about how others are going to help them. None of that is productive. Facing the music and deciding what you are going to do with it is what matters – how are you going to think about the situation, the recommendations, the results? What are you going to do with your life in the face of what you’re up against. Are you going to roll over and give in or are you going to stand up to whatever it is and make the most of it and make yourself as happy as you can while enduring it? That would make the most sense wouldn’t it? Why make yourself more miserable?

You control EVERYTHING – remember the Law of Attraction ALWAYS works, not just to bring you good things. It’s working 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  Make the most of it and show the world that you are in control. Again, I recommend you think of hiring a coach to help you recognize what you can change and how.

It will amaze you how much faster you can get things done just by understanding that you have to stop looking outside yourself for answers and changes. Do it yourself. You know you can. The Universe is there to help you with this! Contact me about coaching if you want to learn more about coaching.

Terrie

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Momentum Monday

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momentum-monday1

“What separates people that get what they want out of life from those people who do not get what they want out of life is their response to challenges.”
Dr. Steven G. Jones

Although I don’t believe this is the only thing that separates these two groups of people, it’s an extremely important point.

Think about yourself and how you respond to a challenge. Do you crawl up in a ball and want to die? Sometimes that’s ok initially. What’s not productive is when that behavior or thought process continues on and on and on. Do you get mad and decide that this is not going to beat you? That you’ll find a way to conquer the challenge, to climb up and over whatever obstacle is in your way? That is the way of the warrior, the person who excels at life.

Remember that there are two different vibrations at play when you are confronted with a problem. There is the vibration of the problem and if you continue to think about the “problem”, you will stay on that lower vibration and not move anywhere – you are focusing on the problem so that is what you’ll get more of. Maybe the problem won’t get worse but it won’t get any better either when your vibration remains on the problem.

You have to raise your vibration to the level of the solution – a much higher vibration. Instead of thinking about and focusing on the problem, concentrate on the solution. Tell the Universe you are ready to receive the answer and you know that it’s out there waiting to be delivered to you.

Think back to your past and think about when you’ve discovered a solution to something – what have you felt like when you’ve been in the process? Maybe take a look at a time at work when a problem has been identified. Everyone might respond with “oh nuts, what do we do now?” But then you all got your heads together and brainstormed until you figured it out. What kind of elation did you all feel? Use that as  “Kodak Moment” to elevate your vibration when you’re after a solution to your current problem.

I don’t even use the word problem once I’ve identified what it is. I think about how great it’s going to be when I come up with the solution to x, y, z – describing the situation if I must. Or preferably I use something that’s brief but objectively describes the situation. Then I go right back to looking for the solutions – opening my heart and mind to the Universe to deliver the answer to me.  I use some of the processes we’ve talked about – the 68 second process, rampage of appreciation and even the “wouldn’t it be nice if….”.  If you’re skeptical or it’s the first time, you can use “I’m in the process of….”

Next time you come across a challenge, immediately switch to the solution seeking mode and your vibration will automatically elevate with you! Try it, you’ll like it. Don’t dwell on the problem.  Move out and move up!

Terrie