Dealing With Disappointment….

 This is a very timely subject. I have trained for a year for the New York City Marathon and should have already been in New York to be enjoying it right now. But....Hurricane Sandy blew into town and put a damper on all of that - literally.

It's been a week of ups and downs - not knowing if it was going to be held and then elation when it was announced that it was still going to be held.  So I got busy changing plans and making/confirming reservations. That was teamwork for sure - people all around me helped me get organized and know who to call and in what order (I mean why change plane reservations if I had no place to stay so you start by finding out if the hotel is operational etc).  I am so grateful to everyone who worked with me this week (and all year actually - more on that in another post).

Yesterday I spent putting the final touches on my packing and getting things ready in the house etc. I actually finished and had the suitcase in the car and my knapsack by the door.

I sat down to wait for my EFT appointment with Kay and had some time so I started looking at the New York City papers online. That's when the Universe continued to pull things together for me.  I had been most concerned about figuring out how I was going to get from the airport into the city with the traffic problems (on a weekday). But when I started reading the comments about how it was wrong to have the marathon this weekend, my conscience kicked in again (it had been wondering about the propriety of doing this in the face of such devastation but I kept rationalizing that they did it after 9/11 - but that was 6 weeks later, not a few days).

I was even more conflicted by the time my appointment came.

So, instead of talking to Kay about my fears about the race, we talked about my indecision and my not knowing what the right thing to do was. By the time we were done tapping, I had become more at peace with a decision not to go. Why? Well, I felt it was selfish of me to go to fulfill something personal and not pay attention to the grief and troubles facing the entire region. Yes, my not going was not going to change the world or the event but it was me living up to what I felt. I can't explain it and maybe that means I made the wrong decision. I really don't know but it doesn't matter now because I hit the "cancel" button so it's done.

Kay was great in telling me something so vital in dealing with the pain I felt (I have never felt such pain - it was definitely multi-factorial). Abraham says "Make a decision and make it right". I am trying to do that.

So, why am I hurting so much? Why is there such pain for a simple race? What am I really feeling?

Disappointment, loss, grief, feeling of letting others down (it's even worse because I found out afterwards that my personal trainer is going to NY and was doing that to surprise me and also propose to his girlfriend - I felt really bad after that but there was nothing I could do), emptiness, "what now-ness" (my term), sense of failure, incompletion, etc.

How do I deal with this disappointment?

So many things pop into my head but they are all just jumbled....

What do you think? Comment below....

Terrie

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28 thoughts on “Dealing With Disappointment….

  1. hi
    i am not expert any, but to say some thing about this i have little knowledge from some e-book.
    “according to “the power of now, by Tolle,” suffering, grief or sorrow comes from the desire that we wish i.e we need a better thing than what we have, he said in his famous book. so if you can be satisfied with what you have and you will be OK.This is my big problem too, i some thing enough to live in the 3rd world, always i am wondering and this implies suffering always ”
    thanks.

  2. Dear Terry

    Thanks for your mail. I am so sorry to hear all that has happened and how you
    are going thru so much of pain for what has happened. I recommend
    that you read “How to change your brain” by Andy Newberg.
    And Barbara Marx Hubbard.

    Regards
    Fiona

  3. Dear Terrie,
    I want to answer you right off the cuff, and let you know, that I have been thinking of you all week long. Even before Sandy blew in, I was thinking, if this storm is going to take place how will Terrie, in all of her moral rectitude, do this thing. And I put your face in my mind with a happy smile on your face and a sense of peace and completion. Whatever happens is for the best I thought. For me, and for whatever it is worth, I salute you for the decision you have made. Personally, I would have done the same. As per your trainer, I think that he would have gone to NY anyway, and you being there too, just made it feel better for him. Nevertheless, your decision in no way impacts his being in NY, becuase his decision to be in NY is for another motive. All guilt aside, your decision to not go is for the best. With regard to your disappointment, I have to think about that. Unfortunately, I do understand disappointment, in a very big way. In the meantime, I send you my love, and desire to see you feeling frisky again and soon. I will be back for more. I send you a hug right now with love. Sarah

    • Thanks so much Sarah. Your words of wisdom really mean alot to me. I can’t tell you how much. I am so tired of the tears but I guess they are an important part of the healing process. You have helped me tremendously and I don’t know how to thank you enough. You are very eloquent and that’s vital and I know you are sincere.

      Thank you again…I’m not sure I’ll ever be frisky again.
      Terrie

  4. Terrie

    I realize you are dissappointed not only for yourself, you expectations and your trainer, but the entire facade of being in such an event. I use the word facade because that is what this year long goal in your life has been behind. Facades crumble at times. No one truly knows why, it just happens. Underneath that facade, the real reasons will make theirselves known, once you tap the disappointment away.

    You worked hard on training for a long time and it’s time to celebrate all that training with a run, in a place of your choice and a length your mind and body are comfortable with. Just you, nature, your mind and body, all in alignment with no doubts of ability, fear of injury or worry about how and when you finish. Just you doing your personal best.

    Your big picture goal has always been the hospital wing named for your hero. Today is the day to start the training for getting yourself to that finish line. No storm or circumstance of nature can get in your way of that goal. It’s time to plan how “we” your online family and friends, the people you talk with every day, your co-workers, the vendors, the possible benefactors and everyone else on this earth, can help you reach that goal.

    So during that personal run or walk, use the time and the surroundings to open your mind and heart to your true goal in life. It will take a village to accomplish iyour goal, so let the village open their doors, hearts, minds, talents and check books to get that hospital wing built. You can and will make it happen. Best of all, it will last a lifetime and longer in people’s memory, minds and hearts – we will be better people for having known you and helping you accomplish that goal.

    Today’s project: spend the day chatting with people and end each meeting with the simple question, “who won last years New York Marathon?”. My guess is that only 1in 50 will be able to answer correctly.

  5. Dear Ter,
    I am back because I had another thought. You know my dad used to tell me that the race is not always to the swift but to those who keep on running. Now with that in mind I have to say you had a good year. It was not easy, but it was good. You have developed healthy habits, you have been eating like a champion, and your physical body is in good shape, really good shape. There are so many positive things to see here. Certainly the preparation for this marathon was to enjoy the journey too, the road you traveled to get from here to there. Also, you have to understand that people love you, love you for the person you are, not because you are running a race. Those people that love you triumph in your successes and hold you up in the less bright moments and those people are not let down. There are people that see and feel your courage and have deep pride and joy in you.

    I think that the Universe here is trying to give us a light bulb moment. Maybe the Universe would like you to know that you certainly may allow yourself the prerogative to change your mind about an idea in view of outstanding circumstances. We know that race is taking place, and maybe the Universe could want to be teaching other people at the same time, that the show does go on, but there are people backstage doing other things that are as vitally important as being there to run. Hey coach, hang in there.

    • Sarah,
      More wonderful words of wisdom from you! You are a great friend and I appreciate all you’ve said to help me get back up on the horse and continue to ride onwards. Thanks again!
      Terrie

  6. Dear Terrie:

    Thank you for this blessing to me to be of some comfort for you in this. Please, remember that you are supposed to focus on the what/s, with faith, and to leave up to our Creator’s Universe the how/s. Trust that there must be a reason for all your intuitive actions and thinking, in this case, and know that “when one door may have (for now) closed” other doors have opened for you.

    Enjoy the now and know that your multitude of blessings are still yours for the asking. So, please do focus on counting your many blessings with gratitude, and know that your true intend and purpose is still being in the process of fulfilment.

    Wishing you joy, blessings, health, wealth, and abundance….

    Yannis

    • Yannis,
      Thanks so much for this. You are so right but you also have to allow yourself time to heal and grieve for things. You just can’t take a long time doing that and you have helped me (as has my EFT practitioner) get back in the saddle quickly – see today’s post. You are a dream and I appreciate your taking the time to support me!

      Terrie

  7. Terri

    I know that you have been working up to this marathon for some time. Just the thought of running and completing the NY marathon… WOW!. Then the weekend in NYC!

    Timing is everything. The universe has a time table of which we are not privy too. Things conspired in a way that you chose not to participate. Please trust your higher knowing. You don’t know what you were walking into. There may have been events that you would have to experience (that you would prefer not to experience) if you when to NYC at this time.

    My question to you… what feeling is under the “disappointment”. From what you write, your “disappointment” is like a 20 on a scale of 0-10. Something else is going on. What were you hoping to accomplish by doing the NY marathon? Keep asking “what else is there”. You can tap on all of it. If you have some anger, you may need to get physical. Running…. or what about bunching a pillow… or yelling… and then tap on it.

    I think that you made a good decision in the face of this situation. NY is a mess. They don’t really need visitors at this time. If you have not been through a flood, you have no idea about the devastation that will last for MONTHS. Trust me on this one. Last year, Binghamton was hit with 2 hurricanes a week a part. What followed was the worst flood in our recorded history. There were gas shortages, power issues (I had no power 8 days), food and supply issues for weeks. We are still recovering.

    Thank you for sharing this healing with all of us. We are all in the same boat, on the same journey. You are an inspiration to me!

    love and blessings, Mary Pat

        • I had another thought. If you do more explanation and still can’t find what is going on, consider that you may be processing the emotions of others.

          You were very connected to going to NYC for the marathon. In that area right now there are a LOT people experiencing a LOT of frustration, anger and grief. They may not even know that they are experiencing these or the depth of their emotions.

          We do sometimes pick up on the emotions of others. It resonates with something inside of us. And therefore we help society process these heavy emotions.

          Personally I have not been productive all week. I have slept a lot. I have been irritated. There is no reason that I should be feeling this way. It finally occurred to me that I may be processing emotions that are so prevalent here in the northeast and NYC/NJ. Amazingly, they began to lift.

          Be well.

    • Mary Pat – thanks for your great comments and yes, alot of it was grief. I am working through all the emotions and fortunately have had two good days of running although they were very short runs by marathon standards at least I was still out there. You are a doll to put down all of these valuable comments. Thank you again!
      Terrie

  8. Dear Terrie:

    Ecclesiastes 3
    New King James Version (NKJV)

    To everything there is a season,
    A time for every purpose under heaven:
    A time to be born,
    And a time to die;
    A time to plant,
    And a time to pluck what is planted;
    A time to kill,
    And a time to heal;
    A time to break down,
    And a time to build up;
    A time to weep,
    And a time to laugh;
    A time to mourn,
    And a time to dance;
    A time to cast away stones,
    And a time to gather stones;
    A time to embrace,
    And a time to refrain from embracing;
    A time to gain,
    And a time to lose;
    A time to keep,
    And a time to throw away;
    A time to tear,
    And a time to sew;
    A time to keep silence,
    And a time to speak;
    A time to love,
    And a time to hate;
    A time of war,
    And a time of peace.

    If you do not want to refer to the Bible, then just listen to the song “Turn, Turn, Turn” by the Byrds.

    Every day is filled with choices to be made, and how does one make a choice? What are the factors that help make one choose? You seem to have made a choice based on what you believe is most important for you. But I do not understand your feeling of guilt – guilt for an action you did not take? So, you think you bestowed disappointment upon someone else? Guilt, in my opinon, should best be reserved for doing an action that causes harm to someone/something. Have you harmed anyone?
    As Sarah said, you trained for something that did not come to pass, however, you have gained much more. There will be other marathons, should you choose, however, you have learned that you have the strength to set a goal for yourself and work to attain that goal. This is cause for celebration. How many people have goals, yet do nothing to take one step towards creating that goal?
    Were you the cause of Hurricane Sandy? I would bet the answer is “No”. As much as we all want to be in control of our lives, there will always be circumstances that are beyond our control, therefore we must change our plans or goals. And disappointment for not attaining one goal should not overshadow the fact that this is the time to set new goals. Do your grieving, yet do not become bitter.
    This too, shall pass.

    Love,
    Rev. Darlene

    • Rev. Darlene,
      Beautiful words of wisdom and thoughts to ponder. The guilt was over my trainer’s trip but he and I have worked through that so I’m ok with that too.
      Much good will come from this (and already has).
      Thanks again.
      Terrie

  9. Terrie, so sorry for your disappointment. Sarah made some very valid comments. But disappointment is part of life and a growing experience. You are needed where you are for the time being.
    Love to you,
    M

    • Mary,
      thanks for your understanding and kind words. You are so right about it being a part of growth and life experience and as I wrote in today’s post, good will/has come from it already.
      Thanks for hanging in there with me.
      Terrie

  10. Dear Terrie,
    I admire you for trusting your gut feelings. I just heard on the news that the Mayor cancelled the race. Too many people are hurting and need the resources that might have been expended on the race.

    You’ve got to know that you made the right decision and should know next time to not doubt what you’ve felt and decided. You are a beautiful soul with a sound sense of what you need to do or not do.

    I thank you for sharing with us the topic of dissappointment and second guessing our decisions—two things that I think we all can relate to. You give me strength to know that we must go with our decisions and know that what we have put thought into is the right move for us even if it appears to be a wrong choice. When that happens, I think we grieve about what appears to be lost. That could be why you had such a strong reaction. You were/are deeply grieving. And everyone grieves in their own way and their own time, but my guess is that you are much stronger after experiencing all of this.

    Please know you are very much loved and appreciated! —Daisy
    11/2/2012

    • Daisy,
      You are so astute to pick up on the importance of trusting our decisions. I know that that has been a very big issue for me throughout my life and I’m sure was a source of the consternation I was feeling. So, you are so very right that I wanted people to be able to explore not only their responses to disappointment (and how you move on after you pick yourself up) but also whether or not they trusted their own decisions. Bravo to you for recognizing that issue!
      Thanks for being there and for the kind words.
      Terrie

  11. Hi Terrie,
    I live in NYC. Most of the time I pay absolutely no attention to the Marathon, and this year would have been no exception. I was alerted early yesterday about the controversy when my sister called me to wish me a happy birthday and proceeded to tell me how insensitive …for holding the marathon. It was at this point that the matter suddenly started to become personal to me. I told the sister, I do agree with still holding the marathon; I believe it would be an uplifting event in the midst of all the anguish, and I’m not saying this because I was unaffected or totally insensitive to those totally devastated. Last year Irene dropped/felled the tree in my front yard on my house. I was smiling about it, and thanking God no one was hurt. A few years ago, I was smiling my way into an operating room for a decompressive craniectomy – so much so that the surgeon joked that he’s going to “wipe” that smile off my face – and the list of what others would consider traumatic events is much bigger. What keeps me going and doing well enough to inspire with my strength – a positive outlook and and what I call “keeping your head up”.
    I am not so sure why such a DEEP sense of disappointment gripped me when I heard the marathon was canceled. I mean, it even affected my sleep. It took me pretty much until today to come to terms with it, as I kept telling myself I have to stay in peace and not allow this to disrupt my positive vibe. I still believe that canceling was a mistake, and like one man said on the news ‘now no one is happy’ – a total lose,lose for the city and all involved.
    Let me point out, I am not a rich person (except in spirit), a business owner, or in any way affected/benefitted by the marathon either way. But I do maintain that they just dimmed the glimmer of hope – a light so to speak in this dark hour.
    Let’s hope we all make our way out of this one in good spirits.
    Peace and Love!

    • Hi Geraldine,
      What a beautiful post and beautiful thoughts. You have expressed part of why I was so conflicted over the decision. But the good thing for me is that reading your post I only found a tiny bit of questioning of myself (did I make the wrong decision) whereas on Friday, reading your comment would have thrown me further into despair. When they initially said the marathon was on, I, too, felt that it would be good for the city (as having it after 9/11 was) and that it would help out. But as the days went on and the devastation revealed – gas shortages, continued power outages, etc – I realized that the resources used for the marathon (even if they weren’t going to be taken from the city’s recovery efforts) could be used to HELP in the recovery efforts. There are a heck of alot of buses and trucks used in the marathon and as good as the New York Road Runners are they do not, I don’t believe, have their own gas supply – that’s just one factor. The generators they use could be used to help others in this phenomenal cold weather that they are experiencing, etc. I love NYC (I am from Long Island) and have run the NYC Marathon 8 other times but I want to run it again when the city is fully engaged in it on marathon Sunday and it is NOT this year nor should it be. I loved what you wrote and am so honored to know you as a person who has endured and survived all that you have! Bravo to you, your courage and positive outlook. You are amazing!
      Terrie

      • Thanks for your reply Terrie, and also for posting how you were feeling. It gave me an opportunity to express, and process my own feelings about the matter in a safe way. (Among those I was discussing it with I as the only one with my views and was even likened to a ‘republican’ – not to bring politics into this haha). I was reading Mary Pat’s post above where she mentioned ‘processing the emotions of others’ – something I must admit I do (a lot!). I learned it’s called being an empath; and I believe that’s partly why I was so deeply affected by the cancellation.
        I did learn this morning that there are many marathoners still running the 26.2 miles around central park – which is how I believe they say it originally began years ago… This actually makes me feel good to know…
        I pray that those of us who may have lost some stuff and material possession heal and move on. What I hear on the news, and around me is the loss is more than some can bear and they would have rather the storm took them instead (I am not referring to those who lost family members). The anger is just outrageous, and we know anger is fear-based…This is a time that our faith and what we profess is being put to the test and we need to hold on to our life affirming faith – LOVE – and a determination to go on inspite of the storm (literally and figuratively). & sometimes that means just shifting our attention and focus, even for a moment, to that which is not broken. Using my very own body as an example, One half experiences pain, the other half doesn’t. I find that I normally feel overall based on the side I focus on. The idea that I have what is often categorized as a disability and am pretty much able-bodied is astounding to the doctors…
        At the end of the day, I guess it’s fair to say it went the way it was supposed to go. Some marathoners who would have felt too guilty to run aren’t or are even volunteering, while those who wanted to run are running.

        • Geraldine – again – you have such a wonderful way with words. Your comments about the fear and anger are so appropriate for all of us to think about since those emotions permeate many of our lives on a daily basis – although not to the degree they are manifesting now in those people who are so distraught. I just cannot imagine what they are going through and I only pray that people are coming together to help each other out as they have done so often in the past. New Yorkers are very resilient and people in general will help each other out. You express the power of the Law of Attraction so beautifully as well – if you shift your focus to positive things, then you will attract another positive thought and it just continues to multiply. Interesting that that is essentially the topic of today’s post (10 November 2012). Thanks again for participating and for helping me through this difficult period. You are a good friend!
          Terrie

  12. Hi Terrie,

    I hear many of the marathoners are going to NYC anyway to distribute food and water to those people in need, of which there are many.

    What a great way to utilize the strength brought about by all that training!!

    peace (of mind)

    Kate Loving Shenk!

    • Kate,
      Had I already been in New York I would have tried to help as well. Volunteering at all times and especially major disasters is extremely rewarding but we wish it wasn’t needed. People pull together as you all did for me. The runners that were already in New York will do the right thing I’m sure. Thanks for posting.
      Terrie

  13. Disappointments, i will say are challenges in ones’ lives and it is obvious that when it is dealt with in that line it helps to move on with life.
    The Bible says nothing is impossible to God, and in the book Ephesians Paul affirms that he can do all through the lord the strengthens him. Keep God on your side, prayer all the time and move on with the hope that God’s own time will come.

  14. Id say relinquish your attachment to the race. Then channel the energy else where.
    Channel the energy into training. Then go to next race.