Category Archives: Change

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Where is Your Finish Line?

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stick_figure_race_finish_400_clr_6285You don’t have to enter an official “race” to talk about your finish line.

We all have finish lines almost every day of our lives. It depends on how you define that phrase. I see people whose finish line is the end of a work day or perhaps the achievement of a goal.  Maybe it’s when the kids go to bed or when you go to bed or even when you stop working for the night.

The point I want to emphasize, though, is that the fact is you “cross” the finish line – you don’t stop right at it. You keep going in other words. You move on to something else. If it were a running race, perhaps you’d move on to your car or the food table or your home. But you’d keep going – somewhere.

In all of life you have to keep going or you get stuck and stagnate. This happens frequently when people fail to look beyond the achievement of one goal. When they’ve reached the conclusion of that one, they have a let down period and get depressed and often just stop doing anything. It takes a great deal of momentum to pick back up again. It’s much better if you anticipate the end of one project and already have a new “goal” or finish line delineated.

There really is NO finish line except perhaps death and that is even debatable depending on your view of the afterlife..

Stop demarcating your life with various arbitrary finish lines or at least change their name to something cute that simulates “new start line” (that’s not cute but you can come up with your own term).

It would also be of use for you to do an inventory (it’s past time for a midyear inventory anyway) of all your past finish lines and what they led to next. It will give you a much better timeline of your life and your growth than the Facebook timelines. Go way back and see if you can list everything you achieved and then what came next. See if you can see a nexus between the two. I bet there will be because most of what happens to us is NOT random despite what we may think.

Stop wishing for the end, just think about the next step. We don’t really want to reach the end – we want to reach the beginning of something new because it will have been based upon your last achievement. Case in point – I just finished the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life (my Trek across Tennessee) but when I crossed that finish line, I knew it was simply the beginning of processing all I learned while out there alone as well as figuring out what I would do if the physical damage I experienced is irreparable and I can’t run again, or what I will reach for if it does resolve. There were so many openings in my life and soul once I crossed that finish line – it was the beginning of a new life!

Where are your finish lines leading you? Have some fun exploring!

Terrie

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Are You Stuck Or Did You Choose To Be Where You Are?

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are-you-stuck-2Being stuck really is a choice. Before you bristle at that, take a deep breath and sit back for a minute.

Unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances, you can always change something. Often it’s a “little” or simple change in thought process or what you do during the day or even just an attitude modification that can begin the momentum of change.

All it takes is for you to try “something” – anything at all will prompt some sort of change. Try to think about your circumstances in a different way. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be Pollyanna but see if you can find something positive in an adverse situation.  This can be the tiniest thought or idea and once you start thinking about it, you’d be surprised how you can more easily continue down that lane. If you keep trying to focus on these better thoughts, you might even be able to replace the less than attractive ones. But, there is one caveat – you have to WANT to make some change.

Frequently we enjoy staying in the negative. It’s often more comfortable to be in the negative because a) that’s what we’re used to and b) it’s a way to get more attention – people are more likely to attend to your needs and “pat you on the back” (so to speak) when things aren’t going so well. That makes it so much easier and even desirable to stay in that mode. But what you don’t realize is that it’s also the easiest way to attract more of the adverse events. Remember that the Law of Attraction brings you more of what you focus on. And if you’re focusing on the “negative” and accruing the same type of focus and energy from others, then the Universe is going to bring you more of that.

Switch out your thoughts when you can. Try it in tiny bites. Take a situation and see what good you can find in it. This is your first step in crawling out of the quicksand. Once you’ve come up with that tiny bite, you can keep it in your mind or even write it down and then every time you start to go down that other path, you can pull it back up. Each time you find yourself feeling sad or upset about this event, try to come up with something new and good to focus on, no matter how small. Start creating a list. Here’s an example. You have a loved one in the hospital and you’re spending a lot of your time there. How could you possibly come up with something good given that your loved one is experiencing pain and discomfort? There’s nothing good in this, is there?

But perhaps you can think about all the really nice people you’re meeting whether it’s the health care workers or other visitors. Maybe it’s only one person but still that’s someone who has enriched your life. Maybe it’s more that you’re learning about your loved one or even what you’re learning about medicine in general? Maybe it’s even that you’re missing work and that’s a relief (do NOT go down the road that you’ll then have so much more work to catch up on just focus on the fact that you’re away from work and that’s a relief despite where you have to be instead).

Perhaps someone you love has died. Think about how they no longer are in pain or are suffering. It’s easy to be sad and miss that person and no one is suggesting you should totally cease having those feelings. Those feelings are part of the grief process. But as you’re experiencing it, look at the good things. If that person had been paralyzed, perhaps, think about how they are walking in the afterworld (Heaven, the Universe, whatever you call it) no longer paralyzed. Think about how they are looking down at you and smiling because they still love you. They are putting their arms out to you in love to comfort you. Try to rejoice in those things for a few seconds. Then you can revert to your grief if it comes back.

Try these small but impactful techniques! They will work.

Terrie

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Perhaps You’re Not Ready To Accept Change?

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pushing_someone_to_the_edge_of_custom_text_13242aPerhaps you want something but you aren’t ready to accept it. Change is not easy and it involves many aspects of your life.

In order to change you have to be able to adjust your thoughts and often your beliefs (not an easy thing to do). You have to modify your habits too. After all, a habit is a sequence of actions or thoughts that are just repeated over and over again. It’s kind of like Pavlov’s dogs where they respond with salivation to the ringing of the bell. I bet when you get up in the a.m. you have the exact same sequence of events – you get up, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, wash your face, maybe take a shower, maybe put some clothes on etc. Each one of us has some variation on this theme that is repeated every day. Why do we do the same things over and over and over again? It’s easy and keeps us in a comfort zone. If we had to think about doing things in a different order every day, that would require more thinking and energy and probably inject some additional stress into your life that you don’t need.

Any kind of change requires a rewiring in your life – whether it’s in your thoughts, feelings, actions or both. So if you feel you’re resistant to change, try to go deep within yourself and see if you can figure out what it is in your life that would be altered. Once you identify those areas, it might be easier for you to accept the modification in your lifestyle. If you can look at the change in a stepwise manner, you might be able to approach it with less fear. I think that when we don’t really know what differences in our lives a particular change is going to make, then the fear mounts and our resistance increases. But if you can break down the dynamics of the change and what it will entail for you, then you can meet it head on and the fear won’t be as much of a factor.

Sometimes we’re not ready to accept change because we think that to make the change will be the same as admitting we are wrong, not as smart as the person who proposed the change or in some other way inferior. It can be pretty scary to mix up our lives and force us out of our routine. After all, how many times have you heard (or said) “it’s worked ok for all these years, why change now?”.   That’s just a defense mechanism to keep us from having to put any effort into doing things a different way and also admit that we could have been doing something better or more efficiently. To many people, admitting that is equivalent to admitting that they’ve been wrong and stupid. It’s not that at all. A fresh set of eyes always helps see how things can be done in a different way. It doesn’t mean that any one is dumb or stupid. That’s the first thing to remember when you’re starting to feel defensive when you are approached with a change recommendation.

Bottom line, if you don’t feel that you’re ready for change, dig deep inside yourself to analyze why you are resisting. This is key to understanding what’s going on in your head and in subsequently figuring out how to embrace it instead of pushing it away.

Terrie

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Too Old/Too Young To Change? Never!

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too old too young to changePeople often say “I’m too old to…..” or “You’re too young to…..” and it’s not often in a complimentary manner.

I was thinking the other day about how I learned things when I was younger. To put this in context it was as I was reflecting on how much I have learned from my current boss in just one short year (it hasn’t even been a year yet..and she’s abandoning us soon too darn it). I was wondering to myself how I learned things when I was younger since I know I was just like most young people who don’t think they have much to learn or that the people around them can’t teach them anything. On top of that I remember a couple of weeks ago when one of the guys I work with brought his son in to work and it was so cute because the son mirrored all of this guy’s behaviors and stances to the tee. When you see something like that you realize how much children model you. It should make you pay attention more to how you behave around them.

Young people are not as resistant to change as we may think. They just need to process the information in different ways. And you can’t expect them to admit or say anything about accepting that information. I think they just “model” behaviors they see as do children. So, if you want to effect change, you have to be what you want them to be. No more of the “do as I say, not as I do” type behavior because it won’t work. They absorb much more than I think we give them credit for.

Frequently us older folks are accused of not being open to change. I probably fit in that category until this past year when I’ve had to admit how often my boss was right and then go on to admit that I could learn a great deal from her if I just paid more attention and stopped any type of resistance. And most of all, eliminate the automatic brain response “Yes, BUT…..”, which, of course, is the politically correct way of saying “ok, we’ll do it your way because you’re the boss but you’ll see that I AM REALLY the right one here”…ha ha.

I hear old people being accused of not being technically savvy and not being able to learn new things. What’s the saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”? The reason for that is that the old dog does not WANT to learn a new trick. If you can convince them of the benefits that come with the new trick they can pick up pretty quickly drawing upon all their experience in life. They might even be able to offer viable modifications if you asked them and were willing to listen.

I think that everyone is able to change no matter how old or young they are. And I have finally found that welcoming change is very exciting and can inject life into the possibly boring normal every day life. That is a very big change for me but one which I’m happy about.  If you go through some type of change that has a positive outcome for you, you’ll start to enjoy it as well and be able to integrate it into your life more easily.

How do you change? Do you resist change? Do you feel your age works against you in the “change arena?” Do you embrace and welcome change as more of an awakening and exciting part of life? A new journey so to speak?

Express your opinion here. Let others know how you feel about change and about what you’ve dealt with in others.

Terrie

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Why Is Change So Scary?

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creepy_hand_holding_card_15486I think one reason people don’t work on changing themselves or things in their lives much is because it is scary to make those changes.

Change involves stepping out of your comfort zone.  And the word “comfort” says it all. To step out of your comfort zone, you have to do some extra work – both mentally and physically.  I can tell you that just from yesterday’s experience. I have finally been cleared to run again after 6 plus weeks. And I was excited about it the day before I was allowed to run. But I waited til yesterday and even then it was hard for me to get out the door. I had been in the “walking” comfort zone for all this time – and mind you I do NOT like walking. However, in the past 6 weeks I have developed that habit. Now I had to break the habit. It took a great deal of pushing myself to change my momentum to do the running. I’m very glad I did but it was still tough. And that’s to change into something I want to do.  Can you imagine how hard it is if you have to change to something you don’t necessarily want to do?

Habits are strange. Sometimes it doesn’t take long to develop them. Sometimes we just slip right into certain habits. Like me with the walking this past 6 weeks. I had to slip into it if I wanted to do any exercise since that was all I was permitted to do. I didn’t really have to work at developing that habit because it was forced on me.

But when you get to other habits that you are trying to implement and change, you might have to work at it and come up with fun and sneaky ways to get yourself to do the new activity or thought.

Another reason it’s scary is when you think about this being something you HAVE to do for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. If you look at it that way, it seems endless. Just remember that if you don’t like the results of this change, then you can change back or into something else. You do not have to remain stagnant. Just keep moving – but remember that even moving backwards is change too. Do not think of it as an ultimatum. A massive undertaking like something for the rest of your life is way too much for your brain to comprehend. Break everything into little pieces.

Write down the good that will come from your change. You may need to draw on results from previous experiences. Remember the posts I’ve written about the patience and realizations that went along with the forced changes I’ve had in the past 6 weeks. These are great things upon which to base the good that comes from something that could be considered horrible – “you can’t run or lift more than 10 pounds and can’t lift weights for 6 weeks..oh, and you’re going to have to deal with all these other internal changes”.  That could have scared me into total despair and hibernation but I didn’t let it. I had a goal after the “down” period was over and I wanted to heal properly so I did abide by the rules and did what I was allowed to do and did so with an open mind – embracing the journey of change.

Am I happy with the running results from yesterday? Heck no. They stunk. But I was running and that’s what matters. I will not jump the gun and make judgments that will just be negative and defeating. I am going to live for today and enjoy the run I can do and then take each day as it comes.

Look at change as exciting. A difference from your daily routine. It’s exciting if you want it to be. If this change is something you want to do, then it will be even better.

Change is only scary if you let it be. Make it something you look forward to. Let me know what change means to you. Write it in the comments box and share with others.

Terrie