If you guide through anything other than your own example, it crosses over into the category of control. If you say, “This is what I’ve found that works for me, try it if you like.” That’s guidance. If you say, “This is what I’ve found works for me, and if you don’t follow it, you’re in trouble,” that’s control.
—Abraham
Excerpted from the workshop: Sedona, AZ on August 31, 2002
Do you like it when people judge you? And tell you what they think about how you look or act? I would bet not. I don’t like it. I worry about what people “think” – it can be about anything but I am concerned about being judged. I am sure that this is a result of being criticized so much when I was a child (probably as most people have endured – almost a right of passage). I grew up in a very critical geographical location and in addition to all the competition, there was an abundance of criticism if you didn’t “fit in”. And I can guarantee you that I didn’t fit in much.
I am grateful for one of my military assignments because it forced me to become an instructor and taught me how to stand in front of people (and people who didn’t want to be there) and teach them. This has served me ever since and helped me endure what I just “knew” was judgment no matter what I did. But that still didn’t keep me from thinking about it all the time.
As you know from all our teachings, all that thinking about it simply brought more judgment into my life (the Law of Attraction works so well).
All this has taught me that making judgments of others is a very bad idea. Because just as focusing on judgment of me brings me more judgment, so does me judging in others. Plus, what purpose does it serve. I think that people stand in judgment of others in order to make themselves feel good. I know I’ve been guilty of that before even though it pains me to admit it. When we are insecure and feeling less than positive, it’s “natural” to look outside ourselves in order to find something to feel good about. So, if you can find something that isn’t as you think it should be, then it will help you “feel better” by making that statement (either out loud or to yourself).
But, we should be able to find other ways to feel good without putting other people down. We have to break ourselves of these habits. That’s not easy but once again it’s all about awareness. Once you realize that you’re making some judgment, immediately stop yourself. Then ask “what if I were that person? How would I feel knowing that someone were saying or thinking such things about me?” Of course, this is an extension of the Golden Rule but that’s always been good practice for people to follow. Simply say “I love you” when you catch yourself being judgmental. That’s pretty simple and doesn’t require any special techniques and certainly doesn’t require any extra effort on your part.
While you’re at it, though, ask yourself “who the heck am I to judge anyone? What ares of my life are less than ideal and could be criticized by others?” Once you start to ask that, you should become very humble unless, of course, you are perfect – and if you are, please let us all know.
It may help you to use the word “criticize” instead of “judge” because, to me, they are the same thing. Why would you make any judgment unless you’re criticizing something. Sure, you can judge something as “good” but that’s not usually what we mean when we say that word – “judge”. Criticism is very harsh so if you substitute this for judgment it might help you decrease your use of it.
Are you willing to try it? See if you can refrain from judgment/criticism for a designated period of time? Remember the post about trying something new for 30 days? Is this going to be it for the next 30 days?
Terrie
“It will be most helpful if you change your thoughts and emotions about a negative situation as quickly as possible and feel confident that the Law of Attraction will help everything work out for the best.” ~Frank Mangano
This is another great quote that focuses on a few things, one of the most important of which is awareness. Awareness that you’re having negative thoughts and emotions. Not everyone can eliminate all negative thoughts forever. But everyone really can change them once the realize they are having them. This is awareness. It’s a bit helpful if you do a review at the end of every day and then can recognized that you had negative responses to situations. You can then think of ways that you could maybe respond differently in the future. This is a good start.
But, it’s even better if you can become aware of your thoughts and emotions as they happen. Again, you may not be able to change them right away (this takes practice especially depending on the severity of the situation) but you can note when they happen. This would be another great start. As you continue to spot them, you’ll soon find yourself wanting to change them because you don’t like the way you feel when your emotions and thoughts are on the upswing and you’re not down in the dumps.
You’ll go about finding situations and people that will help lift you back onto the “better feeling” wagon until you can do it yourself with techniques such as “Reach For A Better Feeling Thought” that Esther and Abraham talk about. The primary idea behind that is that you find some thought that’s better than the one you’re having right now – it does NOT have to be a happy thought, just a better one. You can go from depression to anger even and that’s a better feeling thought. Just try to move up on the emotional scale.
For now, just try to be aware when your thoughts are less than those that make you feel good. Practice that for several days (or it may take you weeks but that’s ok too). When you’re ready to move on, you will. And you will see great results as the Law of Attraction brings you even greater benefits!
Terrie