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Dr. Terrie Wurzbacher

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Too Old/Too Young To Change? Never!

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too old too young to changePeople often say “I’m too old to…..” or “You’re too young to…..” and it’s not often in a complimentary manner.

I was thinking the other day about how I learned things when I was younger. To put this in context it was as I was reflecting on how much I have learned from my current boss in just one short year (it hasn’t even been a year yet..and she’s abandoning us soon too darn it). I was wondering to myself how I learned things when I was younger since I know I was just like most young people who don’t think they have much to learn or that the people around them can’t teach them anything. On top of that I remember a couple of weeks ago when one of the guys I work with brought his son in to work and it was so cute because the son mirrored all of this guy’s behaviors and stances to the tee. When you see something like that you realize how much children model you. It should make you pay attention more to how you behave around them.

Young people are not as resistant to change as we may think. They just need to process the information in different ways. And you can’t expect them to admit or say anything about accepting that information. I think they just “model” behaviors they see as do children. So, if you want to effect change, you have to be what you want them to be. No more of the “do as I say, not as I do” type behavior because it won’t work. They absorb much more than I think we give them credit for.

Frequently us older folks are accused of not being open to change. I probably fit in that category until this past year when I’ve had to admit how often my boss was right and then go on to admit that I could learn a great deal from her if I just paid more attention and stopped any type of resistance. And most of all, eliminate the automatic brain response “Yes, BUT…..”, which, of course, is the politically correct way of saying “ok, we’ll do it your way because you’re the boss but you’ll see that I AM REALLY the right one here”…ha ha.

I hear old people being accused of not being technically savvy and not being able to learn new things. What’s the saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”? The reason for that is that the old dog does not WANT to learn a new trick. If you can convince them of the benefits that come with the new trick they can pick up pretty quickly drawing upon all their experience in life. They might even be able to offer viable modifications if you asked them and were willing to listen.

I think that everyone is able to change no matter how old or young they are. And I have finally found that welcoming change is very exciting and can inject life into the possibly boring normal every day life. That is a very big change for me but one which I’m happy about.  If you go through some type of change that has a positive outcome for you, you’ll start to enjoy it as well and be able to integrate it into your life more easily.

How do you change? Do you resist change? Do you feel your age works against you in the “change arena?” Do you embrace and welcome change as more of an awakening and exciting part of life? A new journey so to speak?

Express your opinion here. Let others know how you feel about change and about what you’ve dealt with in others.

Terrie

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Momentum Monday

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momentum-monday1“If we had a child, or anyone, and we caught them doing something inappropriate, we would not amplify it with our words. We would identify what it is we do not want, and then out of it would come the rocket of desire of what we do want, and then we would just visualize, visualize, visualize, until we find peace within our vision. When you make someone and their action the heart of a vision that you’ve spent time on — your relationship improves, your experience is better, and they receive the benefit of the experience. But if you catch them, and see them, and worry about it, and put mechanisms in place to prevent it, now you have not only amplified it, you have now made a commitment that is hooking you both into that, until usually it gets big enough that you break apart, and then you attract others to fulfill that role.”
—Abraham – Excerpted from the workshop: Chicago, IL on April 25, 1999

Bottom line what this says is that you should put your attention where you want it to go, not necessarily where it is at the present moment. If you’re upset or mad, take some deep breaths and then visualize what it is you’d like (or where you’d like to be). Do NOT spend time being upset and angry even if it’s justified. Because what does that do? It simply brings more of the bad situation (more for you to be mad about) into your life. And that is definitely not what you want to happen.

Focus on what you want; on how you want things to turn out. Even if they don’t turn out exactly that way, I guarantee you that they will turn out better than if you just focus on the  way things are right now if they aren’t going the way you want. You do not need the additional stress you create by focusing on the negative momentum.  Remove as much stress from your life as you possibly can. You’re going to have some stress that you’re unable to do anything about but there are stresses that you can control.

Try to get off whatever the bad things are and move to your desires and get the momentum going in that direction.

Terrie

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Why Is Change So Scary?

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creepy_hand_holding_card_15486I think one reason people don’t work on changing themselves or things in their lives much is because it is scary to make those changes.

Change involves stepping out of your comfort zone.  And the word “comfort” says it all. To step out of your comfort zone, you have to do some extra work – both mentally and physically.  I can tell you that just from yesterday’s experience. I have finally been cleared to run again after 6 plus weeks. And I was excited about it the day before I was allowed to run. But I waited til yesterday and even then it was hard for me to get out the door. I had been in the “walking” comfort zone for all this time – and mind you I do NOT like walking. However, in the past 6 weeks I have developed that habit. Now I had to break the habit. It took a great deal of pushing myself to change my momentum to do the running. I’m very glad I did but it was still tough. And that’s to change into something I want to do.  Can you imagine how hard it is if you have to change to something you don’t necessarily want to do?

Habits are strange. Sometimes it doesn’t take long to develop them. Sometimes we just slip right into certain habits. Like me with the walking this past 6 weeks. I had to slip into it if I wanted to do any exercise since that was all I was permitted to do. I didn’t really have to work at developing that habit because it was forced on me.

But when you get to other habits that you are trying to implement and change, you might have to work at it and come up with fun and sneaky ways to get yourself to do the new activity or thought.

Another reason it’s scary is when you think about this being something you HAVE to do for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. If you look at it that way, it seems endless. Just remember that if you don’t like the results of this change, then you can change back or into something else. You do not have to remain stagnant. Just keep moving – but remember that even moving backwards is change too. Do not think of it as an ultimatum. A massive undertaking like something for the rest of your life is way too much for your brain to comprehend. Break everything into little pieces.

Write down the good that will come from your change. You may need to draw on results from previous experiences. Remember the posts I’ve written about the patience and realizations that went along with the forced changes I’ve had in the past 6 weeks. These are great things upon which to base the good that comes from something that could be considered horrible – “you can’t run or lift more than 10 pounds and can’t lift weights for 6 weeks..oh, and you’re going to have to deal with all these other internal changes”.  That could have scared me into total despair and hibernation but I didn’t let it. I had a goal after the “down” period was over and I wanted to heal properly so I did abide by the rules and did what I was allowed to do and did so with an open mind – embracing the journey of change.

Am I happy with the running results from yesterday? Heck no. They stunk. But I was running and that’s what matters. I will not jump the gun and make judgments that will just be negative and defeating. I am going to live for today and enjoy the run I can do and then take each day as it comes.

Look at change as exciting. A difference from your daily routine. It’s exciting if you want it to be. If this change is something you want to do, then it will be even better.

Change is only scary if you let it be. Make it something you look forward to. Let me know what change means to you. Write it in the comments box and share with others.

Terrie

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What Are You Avoiding?

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what-are-you-avoidingYour first reaction’s going to be “I don’t need to read this because Terrie can’t be talking about me. I don’t avoid things!”

Think again. When was the last time you obsessed about something or had something go wrong in your life? Both of these might indicate that there’s something in your life (past or present) that your subconscious is avoiding.

Take weight loss for example. Some people focus on this all their life. On the surface you’d think that this was legitimate and that “of course, they should think about losing weight.” I’m not talking about the once a week, feeling bloated, thinking you need to lose weight. I’m talking about those folks that have very few other thoughts but those about weight and food. Yes, they can function in life and do the other things they have to do. But every other minute of their lives, their mind only thinks about losing weight or being heavy or on this food or that food and it’s evil qualities. And, yet they don’t care so much about those other things so the majority of the time when their mind wanders, it goes to that one topic! Nothing else.

Who knows what each person has had in their experience. Often times the person doesn’t even know. That’s why it’s difficult to figure out what’s going on – ignorance sometimes is NOT bliss.

You should be able, though, at least in retrospect, to figure out at least that you are trying to avoid something. If you find yourself really obsessing about or constantly returning to the thoughts about something, then look at what’s in the periphery of your mind – what’s poking it’s head above the ground. These little buds will give you a hint as to what you are really supposed to be paying attention to.

If for some reason you’re trying to avoid an upcoming event, it helps to do a weekly and monthly review of what’s coming in your life. When you do that, then you examine your thoughts about those events. Let me give you an example. I knew that I had at least two significant events coming up in March, neither of which I felt prepared for. And I was very concerned about having to go to both totally unprepared. those worries continued to come back to me.  This kept recurring even though I was pretty diligent about using my favorite saying “everything always works out for me”. But since I’m used to these self-doubts I really didn’t think much about what was going on inside of me. I should have learned from two years ago when I learned that I had such “power” to create adversity for myself to help me avoid things I was uncertain of. But, alas, I didn’t learn. The Universe has its ways of teaching, though (ha ha) and since I didn’t learn my lesson then, it knew it had to send me another “course” to take…just like being back in school. Oh well. And you all know the rest…I ended up with a medical issue that required surgery and therefore provided me with a “legitimate” excuse/reason not to have to participate in those two events. It was much more socially acceptable than just having to say that I was going to pull out because I wasn’t prepared. How could I possibly admit that? See what I was avoiding.

Had I done an upcoming event review even 2-3 months before the events I would have been able to say “whoa, be careful what’s going on here. If you’re not prepared and can’t get prepared, pull out now and don’t worry about your pride. It’s not worth creating some medical or other issue to “get you out of it” Terrie.” As a result I would have been much more vigilant of my thoughts and done preparatory mental work to keep me from creating the “excuse”/reason. If I caught myself with any “anti” thought, I would have immediately countered it with more than just my general statement. I would not have been ignorant of what was happening inside my head (and body)

In my example I was avoiding not only an event but also thoughts and feelings. The thoughts were “if I don’t do these two things, I’ll be a failure”. The feelings or emotions that go along with those thoughts are obvious (fear, rejection, humiliation, shame, etc). Without going into great deal I hope you can see how complex these issues are.

So, if some adversity has happened in your life, take a look and see what the “side effects” were. By side effects I mean examples as I used above. What else happened that maybe you could consider beneficial? You have to look a bit deeper than normal though. For example, on the surface I was extremely disappointed I couldn’t do these two events. But that was simply superficial. Deep within, I realized my subconscious had done me a “favor” it thought.

People who have been abused physically, sexually or even emotionally will dissociate from their bodies and feelings so they do not have to experience the pain and hurt any more. That is a “side effect”. Everything that happens us is something we have created some how and there is usually both an up and a down side to it. Take some time to look back on your life and figure them out. I have done that and come up with many surprises.

Remember, the avoidance is a protective mechanism and it might have to do with:

  • an event
  • a thought
  • an emotion or feeling
  • all of the above

This may be hard for you to swallow but I think if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll find some examples in your own life. You don’t need to tell anyone else. You just need to be aware so you can avoid a recurrence in the future.

Terrie

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Tuesdays With Terrie

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tuesdays-with-terrie-croppedCOMING SOON!! That’s the best way I can describe this week – I feel as if the Academy Awards show is Friday and I’m the star…ha  ha – no such luck.  But in my defense I did say I “feel”. So I can do anything I want inside my head and heart.

Ok so I’ll get to the point – this Friday I can RUN AGAIN – hope I remember how…

It will be six weeks and my “prison sentence” will be over. I’m just kidding. It’s been a good “sentence” and I’m not complaining. I’ve learned a lot and done a lot in that time that I couldn’t run. It’s actually been closer to 3 months since I could really do anything serious because my back was injured before the surgery. So it will be very interesting to see how I do. I know that my running leg muscles are well rested even though I’ve been able to walk as much as I wanted. See – there are silver linings in all of those clouds. It’s just up to us to fly our own airplanes up and through the clouds to see those linings.

I’ve learned a great deal about myself and even developed some patience and different perspective in these 6 weeks. Lots has happened in my life and in the lives of friends so running can be put in its proper place. It’s very important to me but I now have a much better idea of how and why.

I also realized that I’m very powerful because I’m sure that I created this medical problem requiring surgery to get out of two events I was not prepared for. I really do have to learn to pay more attention to my thoughts and change them immediately. This is the second time I’ve done something significant like this in the context of a running event. The first time, though, I was able to remove it/correct it quickly. This time not so lucky. Oh well. I am glad I’m powerful but as I keep telling everyone, once you’re aware of the Law of Attraction and how you create everything in your life, you have increased responsibility to behave properly. I know better and yet it’s my subconscious that does all this. Argh…I will pay more attention.

Anyway, I’m so happy Friday is almost here. Even my messed up second external monitor can’t take away from my happiness about that. Thank you Universe for everything I’ve learned in the past 6 weeks!

Terrie