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Dr. Terrie Wurzbacher

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Name That Fear: 5 Beliefs That Keep You Stuck

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fearWhat keeps us stuck? It’s our beliefs and fears (which are based in beliefs).

Consider these 5 fears that often paralyze us:

  1. Fear of Rejection
  2. Fear of Dying (or having a bad illness)
  3. Fear of Disappointment
  4. Fear of Being Poor (losing your money or not having enough)
  5. Fear of Being Alone

 

Fear of Rejection:

If someone is afraid that they will not be accepted by others, then they spend their life trying to figure out if what they say, wear, or do will make another person (or worse yet, personS) think good or bad of them, then they can essentially be paralyzed from doing anything. This is because it’s inevitable that whatever one person will approve of is something that another person will NOT approve of. So, what do you do? Nothing. I spent a good portion of my life altering my life and thoughts dependent on whom I was around. And when I finally realized it, I couldn’t even imagine how I operated for all that time. It was like being a yo-yo and bouncing all around. How stressful was that? Unbelievably stressful.

You have to follow your heart and do things for your own reasons, not because of others. If you’re not sure how others will react, don’t tell them.

Fear of Dying (or contracting a bad illness):

This is another fear that can paralyze someone from taking any type of action at all. Usually, the person will be so engulfed with fear that they spend all their time thinking about their death and how it’s going to happen and then they fear certain activities, knowing for sure that that one activity will bring about their death. Or they sit and think that they should do something before they die but because they are so afraid, they don’t do anything.  If if’s fear of contracting an illness, they use most of their energy examining their bodies and every sneeze or cough or other bodily function. With the advent of the internet and search engines, this has become worse. You can even find that hiccups are a symptom of cancer (which it may be in rare situations – emphasis on the word ‘rare’).

Fear of Disappointment:

This can be a fear of being disappointed or of disappointing others.

In the first instance, people don’t get intimate or even develop close friendships because they fear that they will be disappointed. Or they misinterpret another person’s actions as being something against them intentionally when it may not be that at all. This leads to sadness and unhappiness and behavior that leads to problems in that relationship (whether it’s a close one or just a working relationship). And then the person who has been disappointed, is stressed and experiencing emotions that bring them down and prevent them from pursuing their desires.

If someone has a fear of disappointing others, this is paralyzing for the same reasons as above. They don’t do anything for fear it will disappoint someone! They over analyze and then try to mind read what the other person wants them to do. Then if the other person doesn’t respond in a positive, happy way, the sense that there’s been disappointment ensues. And of course, that person is too afraid to ask what’s going on and if they have disappointed. Worse yet, based on the second person’s reaction, someone might change their behavior hoping that the new behavior will make the other happy. Another yo-yo situation. So, you either bounce around or you do nothing. Is that any way to live your life?

Fear of Being Poor:

This is related in many ways to fear of growing old and fear of dying. Many people are afraid of what’s going to happen when they get older or when they stop work because they don’t think they will have enough money to survive – or to survive in the manner to which they are accustomed.

The TV Ads make this worse because they are forever putting on advertisements telling you about how Joe is very afraid that he won’t have enough money in retirement but “OUR BANK/PLAN” will help you prevent poverty, etc.  This is one reason I don’t watch much TV. The Ads we are exposed to are horrible fear generators. That’s what they teach you in copywriting too – capitalize on the fears that people have.  And if you didn’t have them before you saw the Ads, you will afterwards.

This fear leads either to not spending anything and leading to deprivation (which like with diets, doesn’t last long) or to overspending, thinking “what the heck, if I’m going to be poor, I might as well enjoy it now.”

Remember, though, that the Law of Attraction brings to you what you are concentrating on. So, if you are paying attention to and being afraid of poverty, then that is what you will attract.

Fear of Being Alone:

This is often a consequence of the other fears and leads to further problems because if you are afraid of rejection or afraid of disappointing/being disappointed then you’re liable to stay away from people – the result – you will be alone.  Also, with the Law of Attraction – if you think about being alone, that’s what you’ll get.

What To Do?

You do not have to succumb to these fears, however. The first step is being aware that you have fears and then recognizing which ones you have.

Then, you have to clear the land, rid yourself of these fears and stop the momentum.

Try to recognize early that you’re thinking something that is about one of these fears and then try to change the momentum early in the process. Find something you can use to break momentum any time you go start to go down a road that is leading to something you don’t want (for me, it’s a running experience – either in the past or an upcoming one). Go there! Start thinking about that and feeling the way you did (or will) when you were experiencing that event. That should take your momentum in a different direction. You have to keep repeating this process but it will overcome the fears!

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Terrie

 

 

 

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Momentum Monday

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momentum-monday1Yesterday was Easter and since most people are busy on that day, I saved my “Easter Message” til today – very fitting, too, because it’s all about Momentum!

A good friend reminded me last week that Easter is about New Beginnings and that was a great thought for me given the last 5-6 weeks. So I thought that everyone could benefit from thinking about what their new beginning was going to be and also how to start your new beginning. Everyone always thinks of Christmas or the New Year as the time to make resolutions and therefore a “New Beginning”.  But, we can actually make a new start, another “beginning” at any time.

One of the problems, though, is identifying what it is you want to change. In other words, identify where your momentum is right now and where you want it to be.  That’s the easy part. After that you might look at triggers and beliefs and what your feelings/vibrations are right now.

What is it that’s bothering you right now (if anything)? If everything is going as you like it in your life and you don’t want to change anything, that’s great and you just need to keep that momentum going – keep telling that story and build on it.

But, if there are things you’d like to change (even if they aren’t “bad”), then this is the time to examine them and start changing your story. In reality all you need to do is stop telling the old story and start telling the story you want to be happening in your life. You can do this even if it seems foreign to you because it hasn’t happened yet. The more you tell that story and visualize the results you want, the greater likelihood that you will ultimately change your vibration which is essential for you to achieve what you want. It isn’t enough to just say you want something all the while you’re still focusing on the things you don’t want. That’s why telling the wanted story and visualizing your successes is so vital. You have to have the feeling of success and achievement permeate your being so that your vibrations do match your desire. If you want well being and health, you can’t keep saying “I want to be pain-free” or “I want to breathe better” or “I want my joints to stop hurting” or “I want to be healed”. All of those phrases are focusing on what you have now which is what you do NOT want. But the fact that you are focusing on the pain, the trouble breathing, etc, means that you will get more of that. Even saying “I want to be healed” means you are still focusing on being ill (or else you wouldn’t need to be healed, right?).

Instead, you would say things like “my joints move with such fluidity and carry me everywhere I wish to go”, “I breathe easily and deeply”,  “I am whole and healthy and my body can do anything I ask of it.” Visualize what each of your phrases square_onemeans to you. Use the 68 second process too. Talk to yourself or a loved one/friend for 68 seconds about how great you feel when you have these things.  If you’re a runner and your knees are hurting, say things like “I run miles and miles and miles and feel so free and happy. I am ecstatic with my speed and endurance. I love to run and it brings me nothing but pleasure. I am running in the Boston Marathon. I am completing my 100 mile run……etc.” Notice I did not mention anything about knees or pain or anything other than the joy I was experiencing. If you talked at all about your knees, it would bring you back to the pain in your knees.

Once you’ve identified the things that you want to change (health, work, relationships, etc), list each one on a piece of paper (or in your computer), then write down what you are feeling about that thing – are you feeling resentment, anger, fear, embarrassment or shame, disappointment, despair, etc. List them all.

Then beneath that list, write down the beliefs you have about that thing – do you believe you aren’t good enough to get another job, that all men (or women) cheat on their spouse,  that all the good men (or women) are already taken, that you can’t get any more income because you have a salary job, etc. What have you “decided” about this area of your life? Remember that a belief is a thought you keep thinking over and over again. So, if you’ve experienced similar results from certain activities in the past, you most likely have developed/created certain beliefs surrounding that activity. This is vital to identify because you most likely don’t even know you created or have that belief since it’s now embedded in your subconscious.

Once you have this table/list, you can look at it and start writing on another piece of paper what it is you want to believe and experience.

Then start talking about those things. Stop yourself when you find yourself telling your old story. Enlist the help of a friend to keep you from telling your story too. We often feel we have to tell everyone how we got to a certain point – often in excruciating detail. Yet, all that does is turn your momentum downward toward the thing you’re trying to change. No one needs to know all that history. You really can rewrite your legacy based on the story you tell. So from now on just tell the story that’s going to make your momentum fly you high and keep it going.

Good luck with your list and your new beginning. If you commit to doing this and especially changing your story telling techniques, you will change your life!

Terrie

 

 

 

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Fire Your Autopilot and Grab Control of Your Life

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riding_the_winds_400_clr_13990It’s time to take back control of your own life!

“Huh”?  you say. I live in the United States – of course I’m in control of my life…..”aren’t I”?

Have you ever wondered “Why the heck did I do (or say) that? I would never say that (or do that). What was I thinking?” Or, perhaps, you react to something without even thinking about it. And then wonder where that came from.  Here’s something to do for fun (and profit actually). Spend a day or two and write down your reactions and thoughts about things as the day goes on.  I’ll give you an example. We were having an email dialogue with the people at our headquarters the other day. My “roommate” (office mate) sent a great email. Well, the last email that came from the boss said “Let’s do it and end the debate”. My roommate interpreted that as the boss being mad at his last email. When I read it (and another colleague thought the same thing) I immediately thought the boss was telling someone else to just “let it go”.  See how my roommate responded (reacted) to what he read and felt he had done something wrong.  That’s just a tiny example but I imagine if you look at your day AND take the time to write your observations and thoughts down, you’ll see very similar patterns in yourself. They could be bigger than this or even smaller.

What’s happening is that you have all these beliefs embedded in you from your prior experience – your growing up and even now. If we are not paying attention to what’s going into our conscious and subconscious, then things slip in without anyone acting as the gatekeeper.  Then we perpetuate it and continue onward thinking and reacting in the same way over and over again – it becomes a habit and then a way of life.

You don’t want your autopilot (other people’s thoughts and ideas) running your life. Yet, that is what is happening when we’re not attentive to what’s going on with this autopilot. Are your beliefs really yours? Are your reactions yours?

Paying attention and writing your observations down will help you recognize thoughts and actions you don’t want to embrace. Once you notice them, you’ll have begun to identify beliefs that are not your own and beliefs you don’t wish to continue to claim as yours. That is the very first step and is the hardest and most important one.

After this identification, you’ll want to list the beliefs you WANT to choose to replace these.

This part will not happen overnight. Most of those beliefs are long standing – they’ve been ingrained in you since childhood and put there by your parents. So you combine the authority figure feature with the amount of time you’ve had that as a part of your subconscious, you’ll simply set yourself up for failure if you expect to change it in one attempt.

Start by claiming “That is not my truth” every time you start to think something that is uncomfortable for you (a clue that it might not really be your belief) or that you’re uncertain about (another clue). An example is the way that everyone falls into the trap of thinking “flu season is just around the corner” because the TV and radio ads are out there in abundance selling cold and flu products. So we mindlessly accept that there’s a high probability that we’ll get sick in the next month. And when we do, we just accept it as the expected outcome of life. If you start by saying “that is not my truth. I do NOT get sick in the winter time and I do not believe in a flu season”, you’ll start to remove that belief from your subconscious. You also should add “I am healthy all year round” to replace the one belief with one you want to embrace.

There are more techniques but this is the primary way to start.

Terrie

 

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The Water Cooler Is More Dangerous Than The Soda Machine

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stick_figures_at_water_cooler_pc_400_clr_3800Do you hang out at the water cooler at work? Or some equivalent – we have a “break room” at work even though we don’t have a water cooler.

I bet you’re thinking that this is a post about germs and all the bacteria you find at the water cooler? Well, it’s not.  It’s easier, in a way, to fight the germs because your body does that automatically. You don’t have to think about anything. Your body operates in its own best interest.

Compare that to your subconscious mind which operates automatically but that operation is based on what we have stuffed into it all our lives – and worse yet, the things that others have stuffed into it (parents, media, clergy, friends, etc).  Your subconscious doesn’t know anything about best interest or not best interest. It just “is”.

What happens when people gather together at work? They talk. About what? About lots of things. Often it’s about family and kids and that might be really cute stories or it might be complaining about what little Joey did at school yesterday. Or they might be complaining about work and what’s wrong. Or even better, talking about (complaining) what’s going on in the world or the country and how it “should” be fixed.

Even if you just stand or sit there and don’t participate in the talk, you’re absorbing the momentum and vibration of those around you.  That will change your vibration and move your momentum into the same direction as that of the complainers. If you had good momentum going and the day was moving along fine, you most likely will find that things are not so great now and you don’t feel as excited and happy as you did before your “break”. In fact, you might wonder what happened to your good mood or you are confused as to why you’re tired all of a sudden. “What’s going on?” you’re thinking. “I was in such a great mood before and now I’m grumpy”.  Or, you might not be that aware.  But, once you’ve begun to pay attention to your vibrations and your momentum, you will notice that things are different. Then you need to track back to where you’ve been and what you’ve done. Once you start tracking these things, you will know how to change your behavior.

It’s imperative that you hang out with people who will help your momentum continue in the direction you want it to go. Whenever you start hearing stories from yourself or others, ask yourself “is this the direction you want your momentum to go in”. If it’s yes, then continue with it. If not, then go do something else.

Stay away from the water cooler is my advice. Let others talk but don’t participate. Your momentum depends on it!

Terrie

 

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What Do You Do?

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Two runners So here’s a hypothetical question but also pretty relative to most of our daily activities if we think about it.  What  do you do when someone “passes” you? You can translate that into anything that means you interpret someone as doing something better than you if it will be easier for you to think about.

It’s happened to me many times and I would feel different things depending on the situation but last week it happened and I actually thought about what was happening. I was on a night time run so it was dark and I had no idea that this guy was going to pass me (usually there aren’t that many folks out when I run). I was plodding along as I always do (many people would not even consider what I do as running). All of a sudden this tall guy passed me (going in the same direction as I was) and he seemed to be running fast (of course, my 15 year old arthritic dog would seem to run faster than me too).  As he kept moving up over the hill and disappeared from view I started to feel really “down” and depressed. Why? Because he was faster than me and it made me think about how “bad” I was. I felt incompetent, embarrassed, and stupid being out there with the “big guys” – who did I think I was trying to compete with them. I didn’t deserve to be on the same road with these talented and ‘important’ people (I don’t even know who he was but I assumed that since he passed me he was important).

But then I stopped my thoughts – not soon enough but at least I did stop them. I asked myself “what the heck just happened here? I was feeling great and happy just a few seconds ago and all of a sudden I feel like cr*p JUST BECAUSE someone passed me. What’s up with that? How can I let my mood, and possibly my actions, be so influenced by someone you don’t even know and in just a few seconds?”

Think about that. The only difference in those few seconds was that a man I didn’t even know ran past me. So what? What does that really mean? I already know I’m slow – that’s a given – the whole world knows that. So why did observing something that someone else iStock_000016008010XSmalldid change my thoughts and feelings? I know that in 1993 I started running at night because I was embarrassed and full of shame because I was heavy and slow and had no endurance. And I’m still slow and don’t have the endurance I should but gees, I did do two 100 mile events in 6 weeks this spring. Why didn’t I just hold onto that thought and be joyful in that? Or why didn’t I just keep thinking whatever it was I was thinking before he passed me? What caused me to change my thoughts, feelings and almost my actions. I was at the “you should just quit Terrie, there’s no way you can do this race in NYC” point. I should know where I am preparation wise without having someone run faster than me.

This one miniscule event and it’s subsequent reactions demonstrates how deep some of our insecurities are. And worse yet, the reliving of these thoughts and feelings can derail our current progress. Instead of being down, depressed and ashamed, I should have just been happy I was out there running and that I have the opportunity to go to New York and will do the best I can. I had the choice to feel good, bad, or no change at all. Why do we make choices to feel bad? Is it because it’s a habit? Do we think we should be humble and this is the way we feel humble? Do we not know how to feel good for very long and it’s uncomfortable? If you look at NLP and the concepts within its teaching, I should use some other event as an anchor and I can use the control panel in my mind to minimize the impact of this guy’s passing me. Remember it’s all about vibrations. I want my vibrations to be as high as possible and that’s how I’m going to make my choices. I want to feel good and I deserve to feel good AND I have the ability to change how I feel.

Think of people “passing” you and how you think  or feel. What do you do in response? When someone passes you on the highway or street, what do you think? What do you do?

When someone passes you in production at work, what do you do or think? or more importantly, what do you feel?

Take some time to think about this. Share it with us in the comment box.

Terrie