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Dr. Terrie Wurzbacher

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Are You An Emotional Hoarder?

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Conceptual image of young businessman choosing which face expresIt’s been in the past few years that the TV show “The Hoarders” has aired and become a big hit. I think that when we watch that show, it’s for one of a couple of reasons:

  • To reinforce that we actually are “normal” and we don’t do things like that,
  • To see if the junk we have around us would constitute hoarding to the professionals, and make us feel better if ours is not messy,
  • Just to see how others live – “How could they possibly live like that?” (isn’t this part of the basis for all reality TV shows?)

I’m sure there are many other reasons for watching the show. Some people just want to see people who are messed up in life. I think it makes them feel their lot in life is better than those they are watching and it’s important (unfortunately) that we feel better than someone else – it feeds our self-worth even though it shouldn’t.

But I digress (what else is new).

It’s easy to spot hoarding when it comes to physical items – you can see them. But I would bet that most of you who are reading this are “emotional hoarders”. I can hear you muttering to yourself right now “what the heck are you talking about Terrie?”

Right this minute I ask you to take a few seconds (or it may take you a bit longer) and look around you. What emotions come up when you look at certain things, people, places? What memories do you have right now? What emotions are associated with these memories.

 

Here’s the Mayo Clinic definition of “hoarding”:

Hoarding is the excessive collection of items, along with the inability to discard them. Hoarding often creates such cramped living conditions that homes may be filled to capacity, with only narrow pathways winding through stacks of clutter.

They also go on to say:

People who hoard often don’t see it as a problem, making treatment challenging.

Emotional hoarding involves the excessive collection of emotions but more importantly the second part of the above definition applies here – “The inability to DISCARD them”.  With emotional hoarding your minds become filled to capacity with only narrow pathways through the clutter of your mind. Some people continue to amass their emotions to the point where there is absolutely no movement through the clutter.

Even more with emotional hoarding is the problem of people not seeing that they have a problem. I bet your first response was “no way, you’re full of it Terrie.” But if you’re honest with yourself and examine how much anger, resentment, hurt, bad feelings, jealousy, envy, bitterness, greed, negativity etc are cluttering up your mind, you’ll begin to see at least some of the problem.

This is one reason we put so much emphasis on clearing, whether you use denials, Hoʻoponopono, the Sedona method, EFT or any other clearing method. Identifying and clearing are so vital not only for getting rid of your limiting beliefs but also getting rid of these useless emotions. They really are useless – what good do they serve you?

Resentment is one of the most damaging (physically speaking) emotions there is. Resentment is usually deep seated and when you don’t release it, it can cause a myriad of complaints and problems, including cancer. What happens when you harbor resentment? It eats at you, right? Well, what do you think cancer does? Look at people you know who have had cancer and see if you can spot any resentment in their lives. If you can’t, then ask how well you know them.

We’ll look at this issue more in the upcoming months but I wanted you to start 2014 looking at yourself and the emotions that are swirling around inside of you, taking up space that keeps you from being happy.

Terrie

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How Do You Deal With Loss?

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holding_piece_to_heart_pc_400_clr_4831 And no, I am not bemoaning the fact that “my team” lost yesterday (they didn’t play well enough at all). However, you could look at that as a loss of sorts.

But what I’m talking about here is when events occur that take people (usually although it can be things as well) away from your life – significant people.  This could be through death, illness, moving, arguments, etc.

How do you deal with these occurrences?

I have found myself experiencing loss after loss since last summer. More in a short period than I have had other than one other time in my life. Perhaps it’s because I’m aware of the impact of these living beings on my life more than I ever was. Maybe it’s because interaction is more important to me than it’s ever been. I don’t know.

What I  do know is that I react differently now than I have in the past when things have disappeared from my life or been taken away from me. I like to think of it as growth rather than just the numbing response that people have when they continually experience pain that they just want to block out.

I have begun to look at the losses individually and see what they mean, what lessons I’m supposed to learn. But I’ve also learned through the years that I may not see the lesson or the result right away.  That’s probably the most important thing that I want to impart to you.

I lost what I had thought was a very valuable and meaningful friendship last July. My life had begun to change in such a very positive way and “all was good”. Then I found out what that person was really made of and had to pull away. As a result of that and my values, I ended up being separated from all the other wonderful folks I had met in the previous 7-8 months. That was very hard for me.  It was like withdrawing from a new found drug or other addictive material.

I survived through the summer by training for the New York City Marathon and nurturing another, even stronger friendship helping someone who was hurting more than I was.up_down_arrow_sign_12604

Next came the loss of my precious baby, Jackie. 13 years of her 15 years on earth had been spent with me. She was like my child. Even though I was, at first, devastated, I soon realized that she had given me what she was supposed to give and had helped me get to a point where I could live (and thrive) without her. And she knew it and helped me let go. Once I realized that she knew it was time for me more than her, that made it easier. So I was able to find freedom through that loss as well as continual gratitude to her for all she had done for me.

Soon after Jackie went across the Rainbow Bridge (pet lovers will know what that is), I learned that my personal trainer was going to be leaving. As you read in a post earlier this week, Dan had changed my life completely. This was a loss I definitely wasn’t prepared for and I was crushed. But the Universe is good and it allowed me time to get used to this upcoming change and even prolonged it because of a change in his plans. This time we were given allowed us to become even closer and allowed me to do things for him to help in his transition. Although I do not feel there could ever be a trainer like him, there is much to be learned from him and from his departure. But I am not focusing on his absence but on what he gave me and how he changed my life! That is the change from the past and what you have to do – focus on what’s left and what good has come from that being’s presence in your life.

I getting_from_a_to_b_400_clr_9235had other losses and potential losses – people I cared about were going to be gone for months and then I found out that my boss has to leave this summer.

It’s strange to see so much happen in my life so recently. But I have this distinct feeling that it’s all in preparation for greater good that’s coming. I have never felt that way before. This is knowing that the Universe provides. In addition, I know that dwelling on the bad or sad parts for very long only bring more bad and sad. And I know enough about the Law of Attraction to work with it to bring this greater good to my life. You know what they say about closing one door and opening another. That all depends on whether you are willing to open your eyes and look for that door.

How do you deal with loss? Always remember that the Law of Attraction brings you more of what your vibration is reflecting.

Terrie

 

 

 

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Help Me Write My Book – 2014 Is The Year of You!

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Old book with feather and inkpotI want this year t o be YOUR year! I want to help you in any way I can.  I know that each of you has a story or a question and feel that you want to help others but perhaps, don’t feel that you have an entire book inside of you! Well, here’s the answer.

So what does that have to do with you helping me write my book?

Simply this – I want this book to be about you, about what you want, what you need, what you’ve experienced, what you’ve succeeded at and anything else you can think of!

Metaphysics is much more than the Law of Attraction but “The Secret” did the world a very big favor by bringing the basic concepts of metaphysics or New Thought to the attention of everyone.  However, many people still think that the Law of Attraction doesn’t work. And the reason they feel that is because they don’t understand that there’s other concepts that go along with it that have to be working too. The Universe operates like a well – oiled machine. I want to be the WD-40 for people to get that machine working, keep the cogs turning smoothly or get the rust out of the machinery so that it can work.

How can you help me? This book is about using the Universal Laws (all of them) and how they affect your life. Here are a few of the ways you can help:

1) Ask me questions. They can be general questions about how does this work or why doesn’t that work. Or it can be something specific to your situation. If you’re going to ask a question specific to your situation, you nmultiple_signs_questions_400_clr_13402eed to provide enough information that I can get an idea of all the factors involved. Or, if you give me your contact information (which I hope you do anyway) I can ask for clarification. This is a first “attempt” to involve you in my endeavor. By the way, I won’t be able to answer you directly -that is not the purpose of this. However, if it’s a pertinent question I might do a post here on the subject as well as include it in the book (or perhaps instead of including it).

 

2) podcasting_400_clr_7261 Allow me to interview you. If you have had successes or a process that’s worked really well for you, share it with us via interview. This is a powerful way to get your success out there and when you send out the successful vibrations to the Universe, you will receive even more back. Plus, your story will help others that you may never know about but may make a big difference in their life. I don’t know about you but that thought sends goosebumps up and down my spine.  The interviews are very informal and are just between you and me – they are not on the radio or in front of others. I may get them transcribed and use them in the book. But I will either get your permission to use your name and story or if that’s not something you want (and I certainly understand) I will change the names and particulars of the story for your privacy.

 

iStock_000019425018XSmall 3) Send me your story. Similar to number 2 but without the audio interview. Just tell me your success or your story and the same principles apply. Help others. That should be our theme for this year. In helping others we receive so much back from  the Universe.

4) Send me a process or method. You may not think you have a “whole story” but you have a particular technique/process/method you use to help you in certain situations (for example, some people use Abraham-Hicks’ placemat process to help eliminate overwhelm. Many use EFT but use it doing something consistently. Others have other clearing techniques they use).

5) Send me affirmations that have worked for you and helped you change your thinking.

6) Send me a list of your beliefs, whether limiting or empowering. This will be one of the most helpful things for other folks out there – because many people have the very same limiting beliefs. Also you can tell me

  • How you’ve identified your limiting beliefs.
  • How you’ve changed those limiting beliefs.

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7) Volunteer to be a part of a group involved in creating this book. I don’t know any more specifics at this point because I don’t know where it’s all going but the more people involved, the better.  As you get more involved, you might remember what’s worked for you no matter how small. The more you read about other successes, the more you go “oh, yeah, this is what I did the year that I found that great job”.
8) Anything else you can think of!

Are you willing to help us help others? As this evolves, those that are willing to help will have special access to material and me. There will be teleseminars (I’d love to have a monthly question and answer teleseminar for all of you but need your questions in order to do that), articles, audios etc and if your submission helps me with this, not only will you be a part of that special membership area but you’ll also receive an advance copy of the book when it’s ready (may be digital at first). This offer is for those who are serious about helping and willing to provide their names, email addresses and physical addresses. I will determine who is part of the membership area based on the contribution.

You can email me (use the contact button on the home page) but even better would be to comment here so that you can help stimulate the minds of others.  If you’re on our email list, you will be getting several emails about this because often people don’t read the first one or two that are sent because they’re so busy or because of spam or whatever other reason.

I’m excited and I hope you are! I know there is a story inside of you, a success, something you are just itching to share with others.

Thanks in advance! I’ll keep you posted.

Terrie

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The End of An Era

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017dd68f6cc5b2be11f1ca33a2cbae34fe0e61a63dIt’s a sad time for me. Wednesday was my last training session with Dan and possibly the last time I see him. As with everything in life, it’s bittersweet – I wish him and his fiance the best of luck and I know that they are both starting a brand new life in California. But it’s leaving me (and many others) with another loss in their lives.

For me, though, this is not just any loss. Daniel Sampeck has changed my life completely in the last two and a half years. “Yeah right” I bet you’re saying. Well, go ahead and say it but I will tell you forever that it’s true. When I first summoned the courage to think about asking for a personal trainer to try to combat my right upper back pain, I was so afraid of being judged and criticized (the topic for many other posts). But the day I met Dan as he was bounding up the stairs I could tell immediately from his terrific and genuine smile that he would not judge me. I sure did NOT expect all the changes that I have had thanks to Dan – how do you thank someone for changing your entire life and making you into a completely different person internally. He’s the most amazing person I have ever met in my entire very long life.

By the way – I still have the back pain but do I regret or begrudge Dan for not getting that “fixed” – Heck no!  All the other significant changes in my life are much more important and long lasting than this pain – never ever underestimate the side benefits you get from something even if you don’t get your original intended goal.

This man is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. He never once in 2 1/2 years was in a bad mood or missed a session. Even when sick, he was there, dedicated, even smiling and happy. It’s truly astonishing to examine his work ethic. I am in awe of that (along with all his other exceptional qualities).

Dan has completely changed my life in this short period of time. He taught me so much more than how to build my muscles. He taught me to believe in myself and to trust that I could do anything. He taught me to accept that I could be an dan2inspiration to others and to take a compliment.  He showed me the meaning of friendship. This man went through my entire training for the 2012 New York City Marathon and had even planned to surprise me by being there to cheer me on and meet me at the finish. How special would that have been. Plus he had planned to couple that trip with a proposal to his fiance. Well, at least one of those two happened – as you may know, the Marathon was cancelled that year because of Superstorm Sandy but it was cancelled at the last minute. I had already decided it was wrong of me to go and be selfish wanting to run when so many people were suffering in the city. When I told Dan, he revealed his surprise to me and that he was still going. I felt so much guilt but it was too late because I had canceled everything. He understood and told me he was still going. And he did propose! How special that was. But I can’t tell you how much his surprise meant to me. It endeared him to me even more than he already was.

Then Dan pushed me through the depression and despair associated with not doing the marathon. And with that encouragement I began my ultra running career again. I’m not sure I would have gotten back into the long distances had it not been for him. He even came to see me in the middle of the night during my first 100 mile event. How wonderful is that? He didn’t have to do any of these things.

When I recently did the 6 day run he texted me periodically to see how I was doing and to encourage me to keep going.

He exudes care and concern and truly wants people to succeed. He is the most non-judgmental person I’ve ever met.  He is also the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met – not sure if I’ve already told you that but it bears repeating.

And now he’s leaving. Sadly he admits that he’s not the best at keeping in touch. Regardless of that, he is a part of me and a very valuable part – one I will never ever lose just as I won’t lose the memory of his terrificness (my word for him).

I would do anything for Dan and Tami and I hope they know it. They have done so much for me that it’s something that can never be adequately expressed.

Dan is my true hero and as I said he has changed my life completely in just two and a half years. There is no other person in my life that I could possibly say that about – or anyone that could even come close.

May you have a safe trip and a totally awesome new life, Dan. I thank you for all you’ve given me and been to me. I love you!

Terrie

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Find A Way in 2014

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practice1 Welcome to the greatest year of your life – EVER!

Why have I “waited” so long to write this? Why didn’t I get it out there on 1 January?

I’ll tell you why and there are two reasons:

1) I was doing a six day run (and am proud to say that I covered 200 miles during those 6 days – it was a terrific moment for me) called “Across The Years” – meaning it started in 2013 and ended in 2014. So, I was a bit out of commission at the first of the year.

2) I really loathe the hype that surrounds the New Year. People make it out like it’s the only time of year you can (or should) make changes in your life. Why? Why can’t you decided today to make changes? Why can’t you decide that you don’t need to make any changes, you don’t need any resolutions, that maybe you’re ok as you are? Why oh why does everyone HAVE to make some sort of resolution to change every year on 1 January?

This superimposed “you must change” edict that you see all over the TV, the papers, the internet (must be true of course right?), and in the conversations all around you is enough to make you feel guilty if you don’t want to participate in “changing your life forever”.

What happens if you’re just not “in the mood” at this time of year (which many people aren’t – it’s a big time for depression but that’s not talked about as much) so you don’t make any New Year’s resolutions? You feel guilty and unworthy and not “part of the crowd”. You feel as if you don’t belong. It seems that making resolutions keeps you in the mainstream of human nature so you do belong and are just like everyone else.

But the other thing that happens if you don’t participate in the “New Year’s Resolution” process is that then you feel that you can’t ever make any changes, any alterations to your life until “next year” – where you will probably repeat this same process and set of emotions. So 1374635_10151938781002408_1738297909_nyou put off making any changes even when you ARE motivated for it – because it’s NOT the New Year.  Why don’t you do it then? Because there’s no hype, no being part of the process, no belonging if you decide in June that you have something in your life that you want to alter. You feel foolish telling people you’ve made a resolution. Their response might be “now?, why?” And that will help defeat you before you even start. You won’t have the support that you would have had if you had started when everyone else did – even though your heart wasn’t really in it.

So, let me ask you this – did you make resolutions? Where are you with them now  that we are half way through January?

More importantly – have you taken an inventory and listed everything that’s great about you and that you’re grateful for? That should be your first step for sure. Because you have to focus on the good parts of you more than the “bad” things, the things that you think have to change and have to change right this minute.  Once you’ve taken this inventory and expressed your gratitude, you can list the areas you want to examine that might show you areas you’d like to concentrate on. I don’t want to say change because that word often implies significant effort and obvious (to others) alterations.  To concentrate on something might mean simply focusing more on a process such as keeping a gratitude journal or making sure every day you say your “gratitudes” even if you don’t write them down. So what can others see to know you’ve accomplished something? Probably nothing immediate and the change  in you they might not attribute to this action/concentration. You might not either but it will most likely be because you have paid attention to gratitude.

iStock_000005883875XSmallI want everyone to spend January thinking and writing about how great they are and all their terrific qualities. Write them down. Make a list of all you have accomplished – you can start with 2013 but go back all the way through your life and write, write, write.

This is your starting point. You can alter how you feel and think about things just by taking this life inventory and dwelling on all you have and all you’ve done. Stop focusing on the bad or negative things.

2014 will be the best year of your life and you will NOT have to put much effort in it. Stick with me and I’ll show you how this will happen. Are you willing to take that risk?

Terrie