Author Archives

Dr. Terrie Wurzbacher

Posted on

How Do You Deal With Disappointment?

by

iStock_000014869787SmallSo, I’m sitting here writing on my blog instead of being out in California running in a 100 mile race. Bummer.

Then, tomorrow I’ll be sitting here writing (or working) rather than going to a long awaited Publicity Summit in New York City. Double Bummer.

Plus, I have to unpack everything both for the race and for the conference since I pack a week ahead of time.  Triple Bummer since that’s reliving the preparations!

On top of that disappointment I have to deal with the concern and disappointment associated with the reason I can’t attend these events – medical issues that are as yet undiagnosed. So that would make it a Quadruple Bummer, right?

Sounds like an Olympic Event to me!

What should I do? What are my options?  Let’s see:

  • I could sit around and mope and tell everyone how miserable I am (I probably did enough of that already though 🙂 )
  • I could sit around and worry about what’s wrong with me and being that I’m a doctor, I could use my very active imagination to come up with some horrible choices.
  • I could sit around and be depressed that I can’t do any physical activity and I’m itching to run and add to that that maybe I won’t ever be able to run again (of course I don’t know that – it would be my imagination again).iStock_000013901371Small

Does all that sound productive, positive or even like any fun? Heck no!

Not only are those options not productive but they are also very damaging. Remember that you can imprint a concept onto the Universe in 17 seconds. Then when you add another 17 seconds and another 17 seconds the power of that thought and concept markedly increases. You HAVE to  interrupt that 17 second repeat cycle or Momentum gets going. Once the momentum starts, it takes a great deal of energy to reverse or stop it! Sometimes you just have to let it run it’s course because the more you try to stop it, the more resistance you are putting up and you’re apt to continue to fall into the Abyss of self-pity or whatever emotional roller coaster you’re riding on.

Newtons cradleIt’s hard for someone to be “positive” all the time – I’m not advocating Pollyanna behavior because that’s not reality. However, I am advocating doing anything you can to stop that 17 second process from proceeding directly into Momentum! This is the phrase that I use to interrupt my thoughts when they are going down a path I don’t want to follow (such as all the terrible things that could be wrong with me) – “That is NOT my TRUTH” – when I say that, it interrupts that 17 second process and it puts the skids on the momentum. Sometimes I have to repeat it to myself many times an hour (or even a minute) but as long as I remember to use it, I don’t head down into the abyss.  Saying that phrase also allows me time to think of something else that can get my emotions/vibrations on a plane where I want them. In my case, I switch from the “oh no, poor me” thoughts to visualizing my long anticipated run across Tennessee this summer. When I do that, I feel happy and my vibrations are raised to a level that puts me in a much happier state and those are the vibrations I really WANT to put out to the Universe. I don’t want the Universe answering my “poor me” phone. I want it answering the “I am fine and dandy and can do anything” phone.  It’s pretty simple to think of something that makes you happy. It can be in the future or in the past – but it’s a memory associated with a happy feeling.

We’ve all heard stories of the Prisoners of War who survived because of their imagination and thoughts and ability to put themselves somewhere outside of their actual environment. That’s what we have to do when we experience disappointment.

Another thing to do to face the disappointment and prevent the momentum of feeling “down” is to put your energy into some other activity or hobby. Preferably something that will engage you so that you won’t have time to travel down that other path.  If you’re not feeling well, you can read or even write in a journal (being careful about what you’re writing though – try to focus on the good things).

A good friend gave me this advice (without knowing that it was advice) yesterday – “I try to appreciate each day”. I like that approach and it really hit home for me. It’s great when friends just say stuff and it rings your bell.

Do whatever you can to stop the momentum and raise your vibration. That is the key to recovering from disappointment. Then just “rinse and repeat” – it’s a slow process and there may be many steps you have to take but just take them one at a time and you will get there. You just want to be moving in the upward direction.

Terrie

Posted on

Are You Giving Power To An External Object?

by

Sun in control This follows on the post I wrote on Sunday about what mattered most. If you remember, I was disappointed that the store didn’t have the chicken when I went in to get lunch.

What was I doing – other than making myself miserable for no good reason at all?

I was giving power to something outside myself – the chicken, the store, my lunch – all stuff that is out of my control. And which doesn’t really matter anyway in the grand scheme of things. But I was allowing these external objects or forces to control what I was thinking and feeling.

Why? Well, probably because it’s a habit.  I wanted my chicken and expected the store to have the chicken ready when I wanted it.  By itself there is nothing wrong with wanting that. What is wrong is when my happiness is tied to the fulfillment of that expectation – I’ll be happy if the store has the chicken ready and I won’t be happy if the store doesn’t have it ready or they are out of it at the time I go in. I hope you realize I’m baring my soul to you guys because this is really really really stupid. But I do it all the time. I give away the power to be happy – to a store and worse yet to a piece of chicken. You have to admit, it’s pretty funny as well as being stupid. So I hope you’ve gotten some laugh from it.

However, now that you’re done laughing, ask yourself if there is (or are) anything in your life that you are giving power to.

For example, do you think that if you sleep wrong, you’ll get a crick in your neck? Or if you’re under the cold air for a certain amount of time, you’ll “catch” a cold? Or that it’s something in your diet that’s affecting you?

All of these things are external to you. You are giving power to them. It is NOT a universal law or rule that you’ll “catch” a cold if you sit under the air conditioner. If it were a universal rule, EVERYONE would get sick, not just you or select others.  external powerWhen you are “sensitive to” or “allergic to” some food item, you have already given power to that food item and your body has developed its own set of rules regarding that food. Again, however, if that food caused sensitivities, then EVERYONE would have problems with the food.  I realize that is a concept that will go against many people’s beliefs. But remember that a belief is just a thought we keep thinking over and over. So, I’m just asking that you look at what you depend on to make yourself happy.

Do you find yourself in a bad mood when your spouse or other relative or friend have a bad day or you’ve had an argument with them? I’m not saying that you should try to show them up and tell them how happy you are despite their terrible loss or bad day or whatever. But, let’s say you don’t get what you’ve hinted at for Valentine’s Day. Should this ruin your day? Should this make you feel as if you did something wrong or that you’re not worth anything? You were happy before you found out what you got for Valentine’s Day. Why would the presence or absence of a specific gift change your happiness? Remember the chicken?

Your feelings should not be dependent on other people either. For you to be happy, you do not need to have others around you be happy. You can feel successful and abundant no matter the state and thoughts of anyone else. Do NOT let someone or something else take your power away. You have control of yourself. Do not give that control and power away. When you start to react to something or someone, stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself if your reaction/response is putting the power in something external? If so, pull back and ask why you are doing that and then ask whether you want to give up that control. I bet your answer will be no.

It’s just a matter of awareness. Pay attention – you don’t want to be sick so why let a undetectable virus cause you harm. You do NOT have to give your power over to that tiny external object unless you want to. Is that what you want? Is that what you’ve done all your life? Is this where some of your limiting beliefs are centered? Be aware of your limiting beliefs and then see how many of them are related to external forces. Once you’re aware, you can change. Don’t let the 11 o’clock news impact your sleep so that you aren’t rested and that your “worry centers” are activated. Either don’t watch the news or make sure that you deny that any of it is your truth or state that it no longer has to be your truth. Being aware of what is affecting you and what has affected you in the past will change your life more than you can imagine.

Terrie

Posted on

What Matters Most?

by

iStock_000014201661Small I was in Whole Foods yesterday looking to get my lunch – I’m a creature of habit so my lunch is always a salad and chicken.  I go to the salad bar first and then to another section to get the hot chicken. Easy, right? How much more simple can it get?

But lately there must have been a change in the management or something because the selections have changed (not to my liking, of course) and frequently they don’t have chicken.

Well, yesterday was a double whammy – there was no spinach so I put the other components in the box, knowing I had plenty of spinach at home and could use that. Things were not so bad at that point. I headed off to the “smoked” bar (no, not that kind of bar) and on the way I wanted to get some more protein powder but they didn’t have the size that I wanted so I didn’t get that. By the time I got to where the chicken should have been I was already bummed out. Then I found out I was too early for the chicken (if they even had it that day) because only one item was out on the display. So, my whole day was ruined – wasn’t it?

It could have been “ruined” if I’d let it. And I was starting to let it get to me. But then I went to get my weekly supply of Salmon jerky and one of the guys who is so pleasant waited on me and we talked a bit so my disappointment was a bit further back in my mind.  Then I headed to the checkout line.

It was a bit busy so I scanned the checkers (I have my favorites – going to Whole Foods is like a ritual for me – stop laughing). I didn’t see anyone I knew so I decided on the lane closest to the door. But as I was walking toward it, I heard “Terrie, I’m open”. I looked up and it was one of my favorite people (she’s a runner too). We had a great conversation, as usual, and laughed a lot. It was fun and uplifting. Contact with these folks is great. Some of them have even become friends.

I left Whole Foods feeling great!

Much different than I was feeling just a few minutes prior. Why?

What matters most? Whether or not a certain object or food was in stock and available OR interaction with a human being – where you might learn something about someone or you might even cheer them up and make them happy? Which lasts longer? The object? The feeling you get from being with others? Of course it’s the feeling and emotions you have when you interact with others. The food is just that, food. It will be ingested and be gone. Same if it were an object.

So next time you’re feeling disappointed by something, examine what it is that’s disappointed you and go find someone to interact with (email, phone, text, talk – just be with a living being) and be grateful for their being in your life and bringing you love, joy, satisfaction. See how long the feelings last and how you feel all day long. I bet it will be alot longer than if they had the “object” you were initially disappointed in.

Always ask “What matters most?”

Terrie

 

Posted on

What’s YOUR State of the Union?

by

US CapitolI have to admit that I do NOT watch, listen to or read any political stuff and avoid discussions of such like the plague. Until they have a good news or just all news program, I will continue to simply scan one or two internet news pages to make sure I know important things happening but that’s it. All the negativity simply pollutes my mind and attitude.

But I did know that last night was the annual State of the Union address by the President of the United States. I also know that it’s a bunch of word and ideas of what the President “would like” to accomplish – remember, though, that there are both houses of the government that have to approve any action so good luck with that.

Two things struck me as useful in this whole event, though. And they both apply to you and my designation that this is the Year of You.

The first is that everyone should create their own State of the Union “address” every year – it should be a summary that includes:

  • Where were you in January last year – and I don’t mean geographically unless that’s important in your life (such as if you had a significant move later in the year). I mean look at last January and see where you were emotionally and spiritually. Were you busy making resolutions or instead, outlining your goals (like we did in our Define and Conquer program which is available online) and your plan of action. Or were you just plodding along ‘same ole, same ole’? Were you feeling excited about the upcoming year or dreading it? Look back at your calendar or journal or diary if you have any of these. Look at your emails to see what you wrote to your friends or even what purchases you made that would impact living your life for the rest of the year. When you do your taxes, use this information to take inventory of the various months.

What happened during the year – what was planned that happened, what happened that you didn’t plan? Write these things down. Did things happen that you weren’t expecting or planning for that turned out great or turned out not so great.  Did something occur that you thought was pretty horrible but when you look back on it now you can see the good things that came from it? That happens to me all the time – especially when I’m willing to look at it as an event, without being held hostage to my emotional ties to that event.

Where are you now – at the end of the year or at the beginning of this year? What’s your emotional state right now? What’s your spiritual state? What’s fulfilling in your life and what’s missing? You can add whatever you want to your own State of YOUR Union address. I encourage you to write it down – you can use bullet points or you can write it all out like a speech writer would. But put it down on paper and keep it.

  • The second thing about the presidential address that struck me as pertinent to all of you was his declaration that this should be the “Year of Action”. He said “”What I offer tonight is a set of concrete, practical proposals to speed up iStock_000016019519Smallgrowth…..”. In order to make this The Year of YOU, you have to take action. You have to plan for action. Stop just dreaming or wishing. Stop staying that it’s not meant to be or that other people are lucky and you’re not. It’s not about luck, it’s about planning and taking action. Your next writing assignment after the State of YOUR Union should be to write down your goals and what you really want to achieve this year. What are you aiming for – and aim high – it shouldn’t just be something like “I want to be happier”. That is too vague for your subconscious to embrace. If you said that doing x, y, z (and they are specific items) would make you happy then that would be ok.   I’ll give you one example of my own that is only partially good. I am focused this year on completing the 315 mile trek across Tennessee in July. I have this dream in my mind almost constantly when I have any idle time at all. Can you figure out what’s wrong with this goal? I’ll give you a hint – it’s one event. It’s over in July and I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to do or want to do after that. That is not good. It’s what happened to me when I graduated from medical school. I had wanted to be a doctor since I was four and all I ever did was directed toward that goal and it took me a long time. But I had not really thought about the after. So the day I graduated my only feeling and thought was “what now?”, “is that all there is?” and that was NOT a good place to be emotionally. That’s why we have to build on our goals and keep them coming. We set and revise the goals as we go on. But the most important thing is to be specific about what you want to do and achieve.

Then you put down your plan of action! In order to achieve these goals you have to take action and you should plan it. What are you going to do when or by when? Write these things down!Then, of course, you have to actually take the action – you have to get rid of the fears that you’re not good enough or you can’t succeed or you don’t deserve this, etc etc. It’s time to get out of the emotional hostage situation! Get yourself a negotiator – a coach.

So, start write now and state the intention to get at least your state of the union address written by this coming Sunday. Then set yourself another goal, perhaps the following Sunday, to have put down where you want to be by December of next year and how you’re going to get there. Take 2 or 3 weeks to outline your plan of action.

If you’re interested in another live Define and Conquer type program this year, let me know either by email or by posting a comment here! Now get to work!

Terrie

Posted on

Are You Being Held Hostage By Your Emotions?

by

Trapped man

As a follow-on to the Emotional Hoarding post from last week, I want you to look inside and see if you are being held hostage by your emotions.

  • Here’s the basic elements of a hostage situation. After I list them, I’ll discuss how this applies to you and your emotions.
  • Hostages (you and your true self) are being held by the hostage taker (emotions)
  • Containment with the threat of force by authorities (you’re paralyzed and unable to move forward)
  • Substantive demands by the Hostage Takers (continue to feel miserable, pay attention to me, don’t move forward, etc)
  • Communication between Hostage Taker and Authorities (Your higher self) – arguing about release
  • A leader amongst the Hostage Takers (which emotion rules)
  • Time
  • Need to live on part of the Hostage Takers (emotions want to keep on going)

Here’s the phases:

  • Initial – violent, brief (lasts as long as it takes for the hostage taker to make the assault and subdue the hostages) – this is the initial trauma you experience. It’s violent and may or may not be brief. But it is over when you start ruminating over the emotions that have blossomed as a result of the hurt or anger.
  • Negotiation – Demand received; authorities on site; it’s the “standoff phase” where nothing physically changes but a lot is developing relationship wise – “standoff” is a great word for our emotional hostage situation. Nothing appears to change but our relationship with these prominent emotions is changing. If your strong self was the higher “being” before, it’s as likely as not that you are trying to negotiate with these (perceived as) negative emotions but it’s also likely that the emotions will win and become the predominant emotions, taking a foremost position in your thoughts and feelings and actions. Are you consumed by hurt, by anger, or even worry?
  • Termination phase – brief, sometimes violent, final phase. There are three possible results:
  • The Hostage Taker surrenders peacefully
  • Police assault and kill the Hostage Taker
  • Hostage Takers demands are met and they escape

Part of the negotiation is to build a rapport and encourage the Hostage Takers to bring about a peaceful conclusion.

Unfortunately, we often do not even try to build a rapport or encourage a peaceful conclusion. Once attacked by the emotional onslaught of a trauma, we give in and just allow these same emotions to rule our being and our existence. It’s like we’re on a very, very small life raft in the vast sea of our mind. We hang on watching everything circulate around us, simply hoping and wishing things would change. But we don’t DO anything. We allow the sea (the emotions) swirl around us battering us up against the life raft no matter which side of the raft we hold on to.

Is this what you want? Do you want your emotions to be in charge of your life?

The first step in correcting this situation and being freed from the Hostage Takers is recognition and awareness.

Then you have to want to change. Believe it or not, many people want to remain in this abyss and be pushed around. When someone once was independent, sparkling and a free thinker, they now have formed this symbiotic relationship with the emotions that keep them paralyzed and unable to move forward. Is this you?

Let me know your thoughts below. Have you recognized what’s going on inside of you? Do you want to do something about it?

Terrie